


A Boy Named Castiel

by angelsarefallingassbut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Physical Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsarefallingassbut/pseuds/angelsarefallingassbut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the moment they were paired up for a school project they both should have known that it was bound to happen. Bad boy Dean is able to coax shy quiet Castiel out of his shell and show him a new way to experience life. And just maybe a new way to experience love as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first fic that is actually a multi chapter fic and an actual plot line and stuff so try not to judge too much although constructive criticism is always appreciated guys. Also I'm not really good with the tags so I'll try to update that as I go along.

"Cas? What kind of name is Cas?" Castiel looked up from behind his textbook as he heard the chair beside him move. Dean Winchester had just sat next to him, he was paired up with Dean Winchester for their final project! His heart sank and buried his head back in his textbook. "You mute or something?"

Cas's eyes darted to look at him before landing on his book again. "No." He whispered.

He could feel Dean's eyes on him, surveying him, judging him. He took a deep breath just as Dean leaned over to inspect his textbook. "What the hell has got you so interested? Hiding some porn in there or something?" Cas held his breath as Dean grabbed his textbook and scoffed. "You always like to read this crap?"

"I'm not reading it." Cas looked around the room anxiously. Every other pair was getting to work. 

"So your just hiding behind it." Dean said, stating the obvious. Cas nodded his head slightly, he felt exposed, naked. Dean plopped the textbook down with a thud, re-instating Cas's wall of solitude. "There you go, hide from the world." Cas wasn't sure if he was being rude or just teasing so he didn't respond. "So, the civil war, nice and boring. Unless your a nerd and this is just your absolute heaven." Cas didn't respond and Dean studied him. "Are you always this quiet?" The bell rang and Cas scrambled to pick up his books and papers. "Hey, before you go running off to your next class, which, by the way, I'm sure you just don't stop talking in, where do you want to meet to work on this?"

Cas looked at him stupidly. "Wait...you aren't going to make me do all the work and then just stick your name on it at the end?"

"Is that an option?"

"It's what everyone else does."

"Well I'm not everyone else. I'll help you-"

"Just...meet me by the front doors after school and we can talk about it." Cas said, sprinting out of the room so he wasn't late for his next class. 

Dean couldn't help but shake his head with a small smile as Cas's messenger bag flapped around his legs. So desperate to be a goody two shoes. So desperate for approval.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean was waiting by the front doors by the time Cas reached him. "So....the project?" Dean prompted.

"Um...."

"You know, maybe your an alien. Maybe thats why you don't talk, because you don't know the language very well and if people noticed they might find out your an alien and kick you off Earth, which you don't want to happen because despite the whole solitude, no talking, loner thing you have going on, you like Earth." Cas looked at him and tried not to laugh, although a smile did slip through. "Ah, there it is. I was beginning to wonder if aliens were emotionless as well." Cas gave him a look that said he was crazy. "So, you want to head to the library or your house or something?-"

"Not my house." Cas's eyes went wide and his voice rose above a whisper for the first time that day. "How about we go to the library and find some books?"

Dean gave him a strange look at the outburst but shrugged his shoulders in indifference. "Sure. We'll have to take the bus though, my car's in the garage today."

"Okay." They boarded the bus and Cas was surprised to see Dean take the seat next to him.

"Okay, the whole no talking thing is really creepy." Cas remained staring out the window. "Jesus, what kind of drugs are you on, I want some."

"I'm not on drugs." Cas mumbled, glad when they exited the bus and walked across the street to the library.

"You'll fit right in at this place." Dean remarked, but still Cas didn't respond. Dean took a seat at one of the tables as Cas went searching through the racks. "Aren't you going to tell me to help you?" Dean questioned.

"No." Cas replied simply.

Dean got up and followed him. "Why not?" Cas shrugged his shoulders as he piled their arms with books and headed back to their table. "So....what's your favorite band?" Cas shrugged his shoulders. "What's your favorite TV show?" Cas shrugged his shoulders. "Favorite movie?" Cas shrugged his shoulders once again. "Okay dude, seriously, enough with the freaking shoulder shrugging." Cas buried his head in a book, hoping Dean would take the hint. He did. He even picked up a book himself and leafed through it. 

It was sometime later that Cas looked up and spotted the clock. His heart pounded as he slammed the book closed and scrambled to pick up his things. "I gotta get home." The words rushed out in one long breath. "Want me to check these out under my name?"

"I don't even have a library card." Dean smirked. Cas nodded and placed the books and his library card on the checkout counter. "How are you getting home?"

"I'll walk." Cas bolted out the door and down the sidewalk. The place he wanted least to be was home, but staying away would make it far worse. Because he would find him, he always did.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas pushed the dwindling pile of books over to Dean as he sat down beside him again, carefully replacing the arm of his sleeve that had moved to expose his forearm. No one could ever find out, he just couldn't go through that pain again. "Damn, you were doing a lot of reading last night." Dean said, looking at the tiny pile of books. Cas shook his head no and Dean waited for him to go on. "You gonna elaborate or what?"

"They made my bag too heavy so I didn't bring them all."

"Oh." Dean tapped his finger against the desk and sighed loudly. "This class is so boring."

"Then why are you even here?"

"I'm wondering the same damn thing."

They fell into a silence for the rest of the class. That is, until they began to pack up their things before the bell rang. "So, we working on this again today after school?" Dean asked.

"Umm, sure I guess."

"Okay, well see ya."

Cas watched him leave as the bell rang feeling utterly confused. People like Dean were usually jerks to him. Heck, people in general were jerks to him. He didn't understand why Dean was being so unusually nice to him.

Life seemed hopeless really, but still he found a way to make it through each day. Maybe it was hope. Hope to get out of his house, hope to get out of this town. Or maybe it was revenge. Pure, hatred driven revenge that he wanted his brother and father to experience the same pain they made him experience.

\----------------------------------------------

"Hey." Cas gave Dean a slight nod. "So you wanna head to the library or my place?" Dean specifically left out Cas's house as an option after his reaction yesterday.

"Doesn't matter." Cas whispered and began walking to the bus loop.

Dean grabbed his arm and pulled Cas back. "You can take the bus if you want, but I'm taking my car."

"Oh." Cas replied stupidly and followed Dean over to the student parking lot. Cas felt his mouth drop open a little bit when Dean opened the door of a 1967 Chevrolet Impala and threw in his backpack. He couldn't help it, he opened his mouth. "That's your car? Jesus, it's nice." Cas hesitantly slid into the passenger side and set his messenger bag in his lap.

Dean turned and gave him a wide smile. "Ah, so he finally speaks."

Cas smiled down shyly at the floor. Dean started the car and travelling riverside blues filled their ears. "God, I love this song." Cas was so caught up in the moment he let his guard down.

Dean looked over at him and smiled. "A Zeplin fan? And you like my car too? Hey, maybe your allright after all."

Cas felt an immense happiness and smiled shyly as he pawned through the box of cassettes Dean had handed him. "Cassettes are so under appreciated these days." He said, sliding in an AC DC tape.

"Maybe your not the weird nerd I thought you were." Dean said, nodding in approval of Cas's music choice.

"Maybe your not the I don't give a crap about anything jerk I thought you were." Cas whispered, too low for Dean to hear.

They pulled into the library parking lot and Cas was surprised to feel sad that their journey was over. Cas got out and gently closed the car door. Dean noticed and walked over. "You are officially cool in my books, nobody slams baby's doors." He ran his hand over the trunk before heading inside.

Cas spread their books over the table and resumed his notes. "So," Dean started, propping his feel up on the table. "Whats with the whole loner, no talking thing at school?"

Cas looked over at him and it was that moment he wished despertly that he could lie well. "We move around a lot." He said,shrugging his shoulders nonchontly. "I guess I find it easier if I don't get close to anybody."

"So you don't make friends because you know your going to have to leave them? That's stupid. Live a little! Your supposed to enjoy everday and it sure doesn't sound like your happy."

"I'm not." Cas whispered.

Dean leaned forward, his hands resting on the table in front of them. "Well then do something about it."

Cas nodded his head with a tight smile and went back to reading diligently and taking notes. 

Dean watched him carefully. This guy was an enigma wrapped inside a riddle wrapped inside a taco. He grabbed a book and scanned it, stifling a yawn. He snatched an extra notebook and pen and began doodling in the margins.

"Well." Dean said sometime later, stretching his arms over his head. "I guess I'll head home."

"Crap." Cas muttered. He'd been so lost in the moment, he'd actually listened to Dean's words and had forgotten about what was waiting for him at home. He cursed himself silently as he gathered up his things.

"Hey, you want a ride home?" Dean offered as Cas frantically shoved things in his messenger bag. Cas's eyes widened and he shook his head no frantically. "You sure?" This time Cas shook his head yes as he bolted out the doors and down the sidewalk. Cas lived on the other side of town, but he wasn't going to accept a ride, not from anyone. No, it was better this way. He picked up the pace, imagining the rage and anger his father would be in when he got home.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey." Dean said as he plunked down next to Cas in class the next day. Cas gave him an akward smile before lowering his head again. "You back to the whole no talking thing? Come on dude, we should hang out sometime. Hey, you doing anything tonight?"

"I can't." Cas whispered.

"What?"

"I can't okay, I just can't!" Cas's chair squeaked back and he excused himself to the washroom.

He returned shortly and retook his seat but wouldn't look at Dean. "So are you going to tell me whats up?" Dean asked quietly.

"Why would you care? Why are you trying so hard? Heck, why are you even sitting here talking to me?"

"I just thought you might want a friend." Dean said with a slightly sad undertone.

"Well I don't okay? I don't want a friend."

The bell rang and this time it was Dean who left quickly, giving Cas a small sad smile before turning away.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

It was that night Cas realized how much he liked working on that stupid project. It may have been boring schoolwork, but it got him out of the house. With his now smashed I Pod in his hand, no thanks to his fathers drunken rage, he missed the music. He maybe even missed the company. He felt a little relieved as he heard his father snoring from the living room. It would be quiet, at least for a little while. He crawled into bed and faced the bare wall as he tried to fall asleep.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Dean, I'm sorry."

"It's allright man."

"No it's not. I was a dick and I shouldn't have been."

Dean gave him a searching look. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Didn't think so." Dean let out a small chuckle and pulled out his binder. "Here," He said, slipping Cas a peice of paper with his cell number on it. "Seriously, if you ever need anything or just want to talk." Cas was slightly stunned but gave Dean his cell number also. "So, when are we going to work on this stupid project? After school?"

"It's friday." Cas said as if that explained everything. It didn't. Dean gave him a blank look. "Don't you have a party or something to be at?"

Dean gave a slight shrug. "I'll get there eventually."

Cas let out a tiny snort but smiled. "Okay." The bell rang and Dean waited around for Cas to pack up his things. "I have to go to my locker."

"Sure." Dean followed him up the stairs. "I hate this place." Dean announced, looking around the empty hallway in disdain.

Cas shoved his books in his locker and shook his head in agreement.

They made their way outside to the nearly empty parking lot in stride. Dean hopped into his car with a smile. Maybe this is happiness. Cas followed suit and sank down into the seat, smiling shyly. They headed down the road when Dean's phone rang. He fumbled for it and flipped it open after checking the caller ID. "Hey Rick." Dean listened for a couple of seconds and then glanced over at Cas. "Fine, I'll be right over." He ended the call and gave Cas an apologetic look. "Hey, I hate to say this, but that was Rick, Dad wants me to go down to the garage, one of the mechanics called in sick."

"It's alright." Cas said with a fake smile. On the inside his stomach was sinking.

"Do you want me to drop you off at home?"

"Nah, here is fine. Thanks anyway."

"Sorry again. I'll see you monday, okay? I gotta help dad with the truck the rest of this weekend."

"Okay, see you." Cas gave him a small smile, collected his bag and started down the sidewalk.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

It was usually where no one could see. A place where Cas could easily hide the marks, the scars, but this time his father had forgotten. Or he just didn't care. Cas stood in front of the mirror but averted his gaze. He didn't want to look up and see the fresh scars, the new bruises, the painful remnants of his fathers rampage only minutes earlier. He didn't want to see how ugly he'd become.

He tried to cover them up the best he could, but there was no way to hide the cut under his left eye or the bruise on his left cheek. He debated for half a second of not even going to school. There would be questions after all, but they had to finish their project. And Cas had to get out. He had to get away from his father and this house. School was the best option, an escape.

\-------------------------------------------------

"What the hell happened to you?" It was the first thing out of Dean's mouth.

"Oh, nothing."

"That doesn't look like nothing to me. Jesus, it looks like you were in a fight or something."

"I...I fell."

Dean snorted, clearly not believing him. "Yeah right, I forgot. Your Cas, not exactly the type to get in a fight. You must be one hell of a klutz though."

Cas bowed his head, searching despertly for a change of subject. "So, you work?"

"Yeah, for my dad's repair shop. I've practically grown up there. I was always under his feet, wanting to help. Until I was actually old enough to help out. Now I get paid, my own apartment and a sweet friggin car, I have no complaints."

"Your dad gave you your car?"

"I guess so. He helped me rebuild it and said I could have it. Of course, after all the work I put into her, I wouldn't let anybody else touch her." Dean smiled at this part.

"That's pretty neat." Cas said. "Your dad sounds pretty cool."

"Yeah, for an old guy." Dean smirked. "But yeah, I guess he's okay."

Cas nodded in agreement and pulled their project, which he'd written as a paper, out of his binder and placed it in front of Dean. "Almost done." He said with a smile. "Just have to print off a final copy. I figured I'd let you look at it and see if there was anything you wanted to add or change first."

"Hey, it looks pretty good to me." Dean said with a smile.

Cas got up and logged onto one of the computers. Dean followed. Cas was surprised to find Dean standing over him. "We did a pretty good job." Dean announced, clapping Cas on the back encourginly.

"Yeah, I guess we did." Cas agreed, getting their paper from the printer. He dropped it on the teachers desk and went back to his seat. "Well....finally done." Cas said with a small smile.

"Yeah, finally." Dean said, faking a smile. Cas could detect a hint of deject in his voice. The bell rang and Cas gathered up his things slowely. "Well, I'll see you around Cas." Dean gave him a smile before heading out the door.

"Yeah, bye Dean."

The rest of the day went by too fast and before he knew it Cas was walking home. He dejectedly kicked a pebble along the sidewalk. It seemed ages ago since the last time he'd gone straight home. He missed the way it used to be with Dean already.


	3. Chapter 3

"You still hiding from the world?" Cas looked up from behind his textbook and saw that Dean stood over him. He took a seat next to Cas at the base of the tree and looked around. "This is really how you spend your lunch?"

"Um." Cas sputtered. He hadn't expected Dean to ever acknowledge him again much less sit down and talk with him.

Dean reached over and snatched the book from Cas's hands and placed it out of his reach with a thump. "So whats up?"

"The sky." Cas deadpanned.

Dean just looked at him for a second and Cas began to regret his witty retort. Then, Dean slapped his knee and laughed. A full, bent over, shoulder shaking laugh. "You," He said as he recovered. "Are awesome." Cas smiled shyly and offered half of his sandwich to Dean. "Nah, but thanks anyway. I'm not hungry." Another minute passed. "Isn't this boring?" Dean asked, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, but there is not much else to do."

"Wanna bet?" Dean asked, standing up and motioning for Cas to follow. "Come on." Cas stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. He then picked up his textbook and trotted to catch up to Dean. "Your problem is that you think schools boring. Well, it is boring, but you don't even try to make it fun-" The bell rang and Dean let out a long sigh as Cas looked back at the school worriedly. "Never mind." He muttered. "Mr. Goody Two shoes better get to class. See ya in history."

"I'm not a-" But Dean was already strolling away. "Well goodbye to you too." Cas muttered as he trudged towards the front doors.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Seriously, with that book again?" Dean slid into his seat and knocked away Cas's book with a sly grin. "I swear, one of these days I'm going to take that stupid thing and never give it back to you."

"Shut up." Cas said, stowing his textbook back in his messenger bag. "You do know the project is over, right? You don't have to sit here anymore."

"Yeah, I know." Dean said with a shoulder shrug.

"Then why are you here?" Cas asked pointedly.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get rid of me." Cas rolled his eyes and smiled down at his desk. "So, you wanna hang out after school?"

A no was on the tip of Cas's tongue. The images of his angry father and brother flashing through his mind but he still remembered how dejected he'd felt yesterday after school. "Yeah, sure." He could barely believe what was coming out of his own mouth.

"What?" Dean's head snapped up. That definitely wasn't the answer he'd been expecting. "What about the whole I can't I just can't thing?" Cas shrugged his shoulders. "It's home, isn't it? You just want to get out of there. Jesus, is it that bad?"

"I...I just don't want to spend anymore time around them than I have to."

"What will you tell your parents? Are they like super over protective?"

"I think we got quite behind on that project." Cas said convincingly. "Lucky our teacher gave us an extension."

Dean grinned. "Your a good liar, I'll give you that."

Cas nodded his head sadly. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Dean searched his face, but said nothing. He was trying to respect Cas's insane protectiveness over his personal problems he just wouldn't spill.

The bell rang and Cas and Dean headed outside, skipping the locker detour this time. "I gotta stop by the shop for a minute if you don't mind." Dean said as he started the car.

"No problem." Cas reached over to turn up the music, bobbing his head along shyly.

"Wow, Cas rocking out, I never expected that." Cas blushed furiously and ceased all movement. "You know, if you weren't always so closed up all the time, you'd have a ton of friends. Underneath that exterior, your pretty cool."

"I don't want a ton of friends."

Dean looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Oh right, I forgot." They pulled into a repair shop parking lot and Dean jumped out. "Hey," Cas jumped when Dean knocked on his window. "You coming or what?" Cas followed Dean around back where he clapped a, well, he looked like a backwoods redneck, on the back with a smile. "Hiya Bobby." 

"Dean."

"You got that mustang?"

"Sure do kid, come on." They walked around the corner of the building and Cas followed awkwardly.

"Oh, hey Bobby, I almost forgot, this is Cas, he likes my car." Dean grinned.

Bobby shook his head but also smiled and stuck out his hand. "Of course Cas likes your car, who doesn't?"

"Losers." Dean supplied, admiring the battered black 1985 mustang they had approached. "You can't tell Sammy what I'm doing."

"Kid, that's the fifth time you've told me that. Don't worry, I'll make sure he's surprised."

"Thanks Bobby."

"No problem kid. See ya around and hey, try not to be a bad influence on Cas, okay?" He winked with a small smile and Cas felt welcome. This was how a family acted. Boy, was he jealous.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Dean laughed, walking back around to the front. Bobby gave them a final wave as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Bobby your uncle?" Cas asked.

"So I tell you everything and you get to get away with keeping quiet? I don't think so." Cas opened his mouth to argue but Dean shook his head. "Never mind, Bobby's...he's more like my second father I guess. It probably sounds stupid, but he's cool. One of dad's closest friends." Cas nodded his head. "Sammy's my kid brother. I'm going to fix up that old mustang for his birthday."

"That's nice of you."

"Sammy's a good kid, smart, he deserves it."

"I have a brother too." Cas blurted.

Dean looked at him in confusion, shocked that Cas had just voluntarily revealed something about himself. "Older or younger?"

"Older." Cas left it at that and Dean knew better than to pry. There was a sadness developing in Cas's blue eyes and Dean looked at him with sympathy. "It must be nice." Cas said wistfully.

"Hey," Dean seemed to startle Cas out of his trance and felt bad. "If it's that bad at home, you can always crash at my place."

"Thanks." Cas said gratefully. "But...I can't. If i try to leave, it just gets worse."

"You tried to run away before?" But Cas had clammed up, realizing he'd said too much already. "You wanna go get some dinner?"

"I...I don't have any money." Cas said in embarrassment, the tips of his ears turning bright red.

"Hey, it's alright, my treat." Dean pulled into Harvelle's diner and parked the car.

"No, it's okay-"

"Come on." Dean laughed. "Best bacon cheeseburgers in the state." Cas reluctantly followed Dean inside. "Hey Ellen." Dean greeted the older looking waitress.  
"Hey Dean, the usual?"

"Yup, same for him." Dean jerked his thumb towards Cas as they took a booth.

"I'm guessing your a regular here." Cas said.

"Hell yes." Dean laughed. "I can't cook." The waitress arrived with their food and Cas took a tentative bite. "Good, huh?" Dean asked with a huge smile.

Cas took another huge bite and shook his head enthusiastically. "These are amazing."

"Told you." Dean said triumphantly.

They finished eating and headed out. "I can't believe I hadn't found that place before." Cas said as rain began pounding against the windshield.

"Seriously though. And you've lived here how long?"

"About a month."

"It must suck, moving around all the time."

"That's an understatement." Cas said with a small rueful smile.

"Although no one around here seems to want to stay long."

"I agree...no offense."

"None taken. I hate this place too, but dad wants me to take over the garage, so I'm kind of stuck."

"So your going to be a mechanic?"

"Probably. I mean, I fix up cars right now, but to fix other peoples I might want to be licensed."

"Yeah, might be a good idea." Cas said with a smirk.

"So what about you?"

"I want to go to school."

"And do what?"

Cas seemed to think about that for a few moments. "I've never really thought about it to be honest. I was always so concerned about getting away...maybe I'll be a business major or something?"

"Huh."

"I should probably get home." It came out as unenthusiastic as it possibly could.

"Well I need an address buddy." Dean said with a laugh.

"I'll just walk."

"In the rain? Come on, I don't mind driving you home."

Cas turned to Dean and gave him a shy smile. "Thanks Dean, but believe me, it's better this way. I'll see you tomorrow."

Dean pulled to the curb and gave Cas a tentative wave. "Alright I guess. See ya."

Cas thought he spotted a wave of curly black hair in a window and felt his stomach clench in grief. Meg. It took all of his control to not sink into the sidewalk and wail in pain. This is why he couldn't get close to anybody, they got hurt. 

"Cas?" Dean appeared beside him in concern, his hair already soaking wet.

Cas looked up at him with tears in his eyes and sprinted down the sidewalk. He was sick of it. Of everything he had to go through at home. All the pain and remorse that seemed to be there when he finally thought he might be happy. He wished like a million times before that he could just outrun everything.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean caught up to Cas easily. For a guy who ate a ton of junk food, he was in great shape. "Cas!" Dean reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, turning Cas to face him. "Hey, it's alright. Cas, hey, your alright." Dean pulled him close, hugging him tightly. "Shh Cas." Cas felt a small happiness at this simple gesture. It had been so long since someone had hugged him. It had been so long since someone had showed an ounce of concern for him. "Come on." Dean said, steering Cas back towards the car. Cas slid into the passenger seat and stared down at the floor. Dean got in but didn't start the car. Although he did turn the music on low. Dean watched Cas carefully but didn't say anything, not yet.

"I'm sorry." Cas said, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve before he realized his shirt was soaked.

"Here." Dean fumbled around the backseat and gently wrapped Cas in a blanket.

Cas sniffled in embarrassment. "God, I'm sorry. You must think-"

"That there's a ton of shit going on in your life?"

"I was going to say wimp." Cas said with a wry smile. "But I'm not sure if that's any better." He looked outside and took a deep breath. "I..I thought I saw my ex girlfriend but...shes dead."

There was an awkward silence, only broken from the guitar riff coming from the speakers. "Oh Cas..." Dean felt his heart drop and looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry man....Jesus...."

Cas smiled sadly. "It's alright, I'm alright. I should get home-"

Cas went to open the door but Dean placed a hand on his elbow. "No offense, but your a mess. Do you really think you should go home like that if home is so bad?"

"But-"

"I'm just saying." Dean said softly. "I hate to see you suffer. Don't you have family, aunts, uncles,grandparents maybe, someone you could stay with?"

"No." Cas said quietly as Dean started the engine. Yet they just sat there. "I...your a good person and I appreciate that you care, not many people do. But...you can't always help, I think it's better if I just go home."

This time Dean reached for him too late and Cas slipped out of his grasp. "Cas." Cas turned around and gave him a soft smile. "Hey, are you going to be okay?"

"Thanks Dean, I'll be fine." Cas placed the blanket back on the passenger seat and walked away into the darkness.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

_Why? Why are you never home? You can't go wherever you want! You can't leave and then come strolling in here whenever you want! Do you understand me? You listen to me boy!_ Cas adjusted the collar of his shirt so none of the new bruises were invisible and nearly jumped when Dean leaned against his locker. "Jesus!" He cried. "You scared me!"

"You okay?" Dean's eyes searched Cas's, trying to find the answer, the real answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." Cas said, swinging his locker shut.

"You sure?" Dean asked.

The bell rang and Dean could see Cas practically squirming to get away. "Yeah." Cas hurried down the hallway and Dean watched him leave.

"Your not such a good liar after all." Dean whispered, turning to his first class of the day.

\-------------------------------------------

"Hey." Dean found Cas after first class.

"Hi." Cas barely gave him a sidelong glance.

"I gotta work after school today. So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out now?"

Cas looked at him in shock. "We have class Dean."

Dean shook his head with a small smile. "I keep forgetting your Mr. Goody Two Shoes." Dean turned to go.

Cas hesitated for only a split second before reaching out to snag Dean's wrist. "Let's go."

Dean grinned and ushered him out the front doors. "You rebel you." He teased as Cas looked around frantically, paranoid of being caught.

They made it across the yard and Cas slid into his seat with a huge grin. "Oh God, I can't believe I just did that." Dean grinned over at him and pulled out of the parking lot with a squeal of tires. Cas let out a whoop, he felt so....bad ass. It was nice. "Yes!" Cas shouted over the music, sticking his hand out the window and feeling the wind rushing by. He'd never felt so carefree. "Why didn't I ever do this before?"

"Because your a goody two shoes." Dean smirked.

"Shut up." Cas shot back, but he said it with a smile. They turned off the main road onto a narrow dirt road and Cas looked around cautiously. "Your not going to take me out here to kill me are you?" Cas asked, stifling a nervous laugh.

"Yup, I'm a well known serial killer." Dean said with a straight face. "In fact, you don't want to know what is in my trunk." Cas's face turned white and Dean laughed. "Actually, there is this spot I like to hang out at. It has like waterfalls and crap...I know it's probably weird."

"Nah, hanging out in the woods by yourself, that's not weird at all." Cas chuckled.

They bumped their way down the road which had basically become a path and rolled to a stop. ".....wow...." Cas said in astonishment.

"Pretty, isn't it?" Dean asked. He got out of the car but left the music on loud enough for them to hear.

Cas followed him in awe, standing by the edge of the water and admiring the scenery. The waterfall made a gentle splashing sound that was oddly comforting and the cliffs with the bushed and trees...it all took his breath away.

Dean shed his leather jacket and removed a flask from the inside pocket. He took a seat on a large rock. Cas took a seat on the rock next to Dean and took off his sweater. The weather was getting warmer. To a certain extent, that made Cas happy, but it also made it harder to cover up. Walking around in a sweater in 30 degree Celsius weather looked a bit odd. He made sure his arms were covered and threw his sweater to the ground. "How'd you find this place?" Cas asked.

"Well," Dean said, taking a swig from his flask and making a face. "That's a long story, but I guess we have time." He offered the flask to Cas but he shook his head no. "Dad used to take me here as a kid I guess. At least that's what Dad says. I don't really remember. I was really little. Although sometimes I do get these flashbacks sometimes and I remember small bits." A small smile came over Dean's face. "It was always so happy and when Sammy was old enough we'd take him with us. We'd spend the entire day here. We'd make a bonfire and roast marshmallows and hot dogs and just lie here and watch the stars. Mom always got mad at Dad for keeping us out past out bedtime. We'd always fall asleep in the car on the way home, but that didn't stop him from taking us. God, it was nice back then. Sometimes don't you wish you could go back and be a kid again? It was so damn easy back then."

"Yeah, it sure was." Cas said with a small smile. Back when his mom was still alive. Back before his dad had started drinking and hitting them. Before his brother had followed in his father's footsteps.

"But I forgot about it. We stopped coming out here. I think that day really freaked Dad out. See," Dean paused to take another drink. "It started out as a good day. We'd gotten down here real early and it was sunny and warm. God, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Sammy wanted to go swimming. That was fine, we'd gone swimming here before, but...this time something was wrong. I could just sense it. Instead of telling Dad and getting Sam in trouble, I went out after him." Dean let out a wry laugh. "Turned out that wasn't such a good idea. I got Sammy free, he'd caught his foot between two rocks, but I stupidly forgot to hold me breath when I went under and swallowed a bunch of water. Dad was pissed. He got me out safe and sound, but he was pissed....We never went back after that day and I guess over the years I forgot about it. Until recently I was driving around the back roads one day and I stumbled upon it. I have to admit, I still like the place."

"You must be pretty happy you found it again."

"Yep."

Cas closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the sun. "This is nice." He murmured.

"It is," Dean agreed. "Peaceful."

The cassette ended and Dean moved to change it before resuming his seat. This time he lay on his back. "You should see it at night, the stars, they look...." Dean trailed off in embarrassment. "I sound so cheesy...."

"It's alright." Cas said with a small laugh. "Now we are even for embarrassing ourselves in front of each other."

"I guess we are." Dean said with a silly smile.

They fell into another silence, but neither minded. It was a comfortable silence. It was nice to be around someone and not have to say anything, it was special.

It seemed only minutes later when the sun began moving over the sky, signalling it was late afternoon. "Damn." Dean muttered. "I come out here and never want to leave."

"Your not the only one." Cas murmured, lazily flexing his foot, which had fallen asleep.

Dean sat up with a tiny groan and rubbed his eyes. "Sometimes I never want to go to work."

"I don't have that problem." Cas grinned.

"Lucky." Dean grumbled and grabbed his jacket. Cas picked up his sweater and followed Dean over to the car. "You can come hang out at the shop if you want." Dean offered.

"Nah,it's alright. I have homework to do anyway."

"Seriously? You just skipped pretty much a whole day of classes and your going to go home and do your homework?"

"Um, yeah." Cas said as if it were obvious.

Dean laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Your a special one alright."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How was the homework?" Dean asked with a smirk, catching up with Cas as he entered the school.

"Um..homework-y. Is that even a word?"

"I don't think so." Dean laughed as Cas spun his locker combination.

"So how was work?"

"Work-ish." Dean said with another smirk, causing Cas to roll his eyes.

"Ha ha." Cas said with a bored voice. "Your so funny."

"I know I am." Dean grinned.

Cas rolled his eye again and slammed his locker shut as the bell rang.

"History first, huh?"

"Lucky us." Cas smiled as he walked off to homeroom.

\-----------------------------------------

"You see this?" Dean slid a talent show flyer across the desk toward Cas with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, I already threw mine out." The flyers had been passed out in homeroom.

"You gonna enter it?"

"Are you kidding me?" Cas asked in astonishment, letting out a tiny laugh.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "I heard you singing along in the car one day, your not too bad."

"Your kidding me, right? I'm practically tone deaf. I'd make babies cry" Despite what he was saying, a blush was creeping over his face. Maybe he was okay, but that didn't mean he wanted to sing in front of people.

"Hey, I didn't think you were that bad."Dean said with another shrug of his shoulders. He waited until the teacher turned her back and balled the flyer up and threw it into the wastebasket.

"Shut up. My singing is horrible."

"Or maybe you're just shy."

"I said shut up."

Dean grinned playfully. "But I like bugging you."

"So I noticed."

Dean flicked the back of Cas's ear and tried to contain his grin as Cas turned around, pretending to be furious. "Jerk." Cas muttered, flipping open his book to the correct page. Dean threw a piece of eraser at him and couldn't help but laugh as it his Cas in the back of his head. "Stupid jerk." Cas muttered, giving him a glare.

Dean smirked. "Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me."

"So do I." Cas muttered but gave Dean a soft smile.

The teacher looked at Dean pointedly. "Dean, do you have something to add?"

"Uh, no."

Dean mumbled as Cas snickered.

"Cas?" Cas's head snapped up at the teachers voice and his eyes went wide. "Is there something funny?"

Cas's ears turned bright red. "Ah, no ma'am."

The teacher turned back to the board and this time it was Dean who snickered. "Shut up." Cas muttered. "You got me in trouble."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"So is this like your tree or something?" Dean asked as he found Cas sitting under the same tree as a few days before.

"Yup," Cas replied as Dean sat down beside him. "His name is tree, he's quite the listener."

Dean laughed and reached over to snag a piece of Cas's apple. "We should totally go to the diner."

"How the hell are you not like 500 pounds? Jesus, you eat a ton of food and your still in great shape. What the hell?"

"Magic." Dean said mysteriously.

"Yeah, sure." Cas said with a hint of a smile.

"So your just going to sit here?"

"....yeah."

"Okay then." Dean picked some of the bark off the tree and poked Cas's leg with it.

"Hey, pick on someone else." Cas mumbled through a mouthful of his sandwich.

"Nah...it wouldn't be as fun." Dean grinned wickedly and Cas swallowed and stuck out his tongue at him.

An ant crawled by and Dean stepped on it with his shoe. Cas looked over at him, horrified and Dean laughed. "What? I was protecting your food. You could at least say thank you."

Cas rolled his eyes and stuffed his lunch bag back inside his messenger bag. "Let's go."

"Ooh, are we skipping again? Maybe I am a bad influence on you."

Cas smirked. "I can't, I have a math test next."

"Ugh, math." Dean complained as he stood up and wiped the dirt from his jeans. "You know how much I hate history, right? Well take that, quadruple it and that's how much I hate math."

"What did math ever do to you?" Cas asked with a playful grin as they entered the school.

"Hurt my brain." Dean shot back. Cas tried to hide his smile and headed to the library. "Where you going?"

"To study. Remember that math test I have next period?"

"Oh." Dean followed him stupidly as he took a seat. "But studying is boring. We should go do something fun."

"Go ahead, I'm busy." Dean sighed and pretended to pout. "Your no fun."

"I've been told." Cas grinned but frowned as Dean reached over to steal his calculator. "Hey!"

"Shh." The librarian insisted and Cas glowered at Dean.

"That's the second time today." Cas hissed.

The bell rang and Cas shook his head. "Hey, good luck on your test." Dean said, plopping the calculator down and taking off with a grin.

All Cas could do was shake his head again.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm gonna start working on Sammy's mustang today. I hope you don't mind. But you can tag along, I might need your help."

"Yeah right." Cas snorted. "You're the car guy."

"Every great car guy needs an assistant."

"Fine." Cas sighed.

They pulled into the parking lot, which was empty of cars. "Shop is closed today." Dean explained as he unlocked the door and motioned for Cas to dump his stuff on the counter. "Will you drive the mustang into the empty bay for me?" Dean tossed Cas a set of car keys and Cas seemed stricken. "Um, Cas?"

"I can't drive." Cas admitted shyly.

"Really?" Dean asked in astonishment. "And how old are you?"

"17, almost 18."

"And you don't even have your beginners?"

"No..."

"Boy, do I feel bad for you." Dean said. "I'll be right back." He disappeared out back and Cas could hear the faint sound of an engine starting.

"What is with that anyway?" Dean asked as he parked the car and began working.

Cas shrugged his shoulders. "It's just not big on Dad's list of things to do." And it would provide an escape. That's the reason he wasn't allowed to get his license. If he could drive, he could leave and his dad would never go for that.

"Listen, can I ask you something?" Dean wiped his hands on a rag and went searching through his tool chest. "It's just...you always say your dad. What about your mom? Maybe you could live with her."

"Sometimes I wish I could. Heck, I've been debating that decision way too much the last while, but...she's dead."

You could hear a pin drop.

The wrench Dean had been holding fell to the floor with a clang. He bent to pick it up, his heart pounding. "Jeez man, I'm sorry."

Cas gave him a soft smile. "It's okay."

"Well I sure know how to make things awkward, don't I?" Dean asked with a forced laugh.

"It doesn't matter. Besides, this is better than sitting at home." Dean got back to work, humming softly under his breath.

Cas must have fallen asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes it was dark out. "Hey, your awake." Dean said.

"Mm." Cas stretched and rubbed the kink in his neck. He blinked and stood up, almost walking straight into Dean. "Sorry." Cas apologized, grabbing his bag from the counter.

"And now your going to take off." Dean predicted with a knowing look.

"Yeah, sorry."

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "See ya."

Cas grinned before closing the door behind him. "Bye."

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Cas's blood pounded in his ears as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He dialed the number with shaking fingers, his ribs aching furiously. He pressed the phone to his ear so hard that it hurt, but he was used to pain. Pain was nothing anymore.

_Get out of my house you little bastard! Get the hell out!_ All because of a spilled glass of water. Cas cringed at the memory. He could still feel the blows to his ribs, knocking the breath out of his as he crashed to the ground. _You are nothing! Nothing, you hear me? Lower than dirt! Get out of my house, it's no place for such garbage! Your such a lazy, disgusting pig!_  Followed by a kick to the head, which had caused Cas to come to his senses and stumble towards the door. _You are nothing more than a piece of shit! Hell, your even less than that, you bastard! I hope you get hit my a god damn fucking car out there so I don't have to ever see your sorry face again!_ Then the door closed behind him but the words still echoed in his head.

"Dean?"

Cas heard Dean yawn and felt a sense of relief at his voice. "Cas? Is that you?" Cas didn't know what to say. Now that he'd actually called Dean, he felt awkward. "Hey Cas, are you okay?"

"Can you come pick me up?" Cas asked quietly.

"Ah," Cas heard static and then Dean's voice again. "Sure." He yawned again. "Where you at?"

Cas felt horrible for waking Dean. He hadn't even thought of the fact that Dean might have been sleeping, he had just needed to get away. "The corner of north and main.....sorry for waking you."

"Nah, it's alright. I'm the one who said who could call anytime. You sure know how to pick your timing Cas." Cas could practically picture the sly smile on Dean's face. "I'll be there in a few."

"Thanks." Cas whispered, but Dean had already hung up. Cas sat cross legged on the sidewalk, trying to forget those horrible images. In another few months he would be 18, legally an adult. He would be able to move out. The very thought scared him though because it seemed wherever he went, his brother and father would find him. There was nowhere to hide, no escape.

Cas heard the slight purr of a car engine and stood up, watching as Dean pulled to the curb. Cas hesitantly opened the passenger door and Dean surveyed him worriedly.

"Are you sure your okay?" He asked as he signaled back onto the empty road.

"I just needed some space." Cas said with a brave smile. "You know how parents are."

"Yeah, but at 2 am?"

Cas's facade faltered for a split second but he quickly regained his composure. He didn't know how to respond. Dean clearly didn't believe his excuse and worry and doubt crept into Cas's mind. _What...what if he knew? But how could he know?_ Cas had been so careful at guarding that secret. Like his life depended on it, because it did. _He can't know!_ That would mean packing up and leaving again. Cas was sick of that. And oh, the consequences from his father! He involuntarily shivered in fear and that caught Dean's attention.

"You cold?" Dean asked, already taking off his leather jacket. "That's a stupid question, you must be freezing, here." Dean handed his jacket to Cas, who took it with a small smile.

Cas wrapped it around himself because he was in fact freezing and breathed deeply. It smelled familiar, welcoming. Like home. Everything about Dean was starting to feel like home.

"So your not going to tell me what's really up, are you?" Dean asked, glancing over at Cas. Cas looked at the floor, because they both knew the answer to that question. Cas wasn't going to put his only friend in danger. Dean let out a small sigh. "Okay, I get it. You don't want to share. That's okay. Heck, I even understand. We all have our secrets, you more than others, but...if you ever do decide you need to talk, I'm all ears."

"Thanks." Cas said honestly, watching the darkened world pass outside the window. It was quite for a few more minutes. Cas wished Dean would put on some music or something but it seemed like he had more to say

. "....If you hate home so much, why don't you leave?"

" I can't." Cas said, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. He shook his head slowly. "I just can't. I know you don't understand and I'm sorry but...I just can't."

Dean gave him a searching look and then a small smile. "Well you can spend the night at my place. And hey, if you ever need somewhere to crash, my place is always an open invitation."

"Thanks Dean, seriously, for everything." Dean gave Cas a wide grin as they pulled into his driveway. "I hope your parents don't mind, it's kind of late."

"My parents?" Dean let out a tiny laugh as he unlocked the door. "I live by myself. I already told you that, remember?"

"Oh." Cas felt a blush creep over his face at his mistake but Dean just laughed.

"Hey, it's alright." He led Cas through a small hallway that opened up into a small kitchen. "Bedroom is right there." Deans said, pointing to a slightly adjoined door to the left. "I'll take the couch."

"Naw,it's alright. I'll take the couch, its your house-"

"Exactly, my house so my rules. And I say you get the bed." Dean gave him a triumphant smile as he threw his car keys on the table and jumped onto the couch.

Cas tentatively opened the bedroom door and slowly made his way over to the bed, being careful not to walk into anything. He crept under the covers and was asleep within minutes after his head hit the pillow.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Cas woke to sunshine filtering through the window. He groggily rolled over onto his side, shielding his eyes from the sun. _Wait, sun?_ Cas always slept with his blinds closed. He opened his eye and sat up. He looked around the room and last nights events came flooding back. He reached for his phone and checked the time-10:41 am. He swung out of bed in a blind panic, crashing to the floor loudly. Loudly enough apparently to wake Dean, who appeared at the bedroom door with a serious case of bed head.

"Hey." Dean said sleepily as Cas picked himself up from the floor. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Cas muttered. "I kinda slept in."

Dean shrugged his shoulders, not a care in the world. "It happens." He walked back out to the kitchen and Cas trailed after him. "But I suppose your in a big rush to get to school." Dean rolled his eyes.

This time it was Cas who shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care about school as much as you think." He took a seat at the table as Dean dug out the lone box of cereal.

"Sorry." Dean apologized with a bashful smile. "I usually eat out."

Cas looked around the apartment while crunching on his cereal, the only sound breaking the silence. Bare was a good word to describe it. There were no hangings or pictures on the wall and only a sparse scattering of appliances and furniture.

"So?" Dean asked, stiring his cornflakes absenmindedly. "You going to elaborate or just drop a line like that and clam up?"

Cas couldn't help but smile down into his bowl. "It's an escape." He said, trying to keep his voice steady. "On so many levels. I mean, I get out of the house for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. That's great, but...if I do good and get good marks and everything...maybe I can get out. I can get out of that crap house and this crap town and this crap life and maybe if I study enough I can get a scholarship and go to college or university far, far away from here...I can start over, you know?"

"You know, I always wondered," Dean said with a wry smile. "How the hell you could study that crap and how you always seemed so concerned about school and why the hell you cared so much."

"Well there you go." Cas replied, placing his empty bowl in the sink. "There's the secret I spilled for the day."

Dean smiled and went rustling through his closet. "I don't suppose you took any clothes with you, did you?"

"Ah...no." Cas let out a small laugh. "Guess I wasn't thinking too well."

"It's alright, you can borrow some of mine. I just hope they fit." Dean pulled out a pair of dark jeans, a grey t shirt and a plaid long sleeve shirt. "Here." Cas accepted them with a smile, even though it wasn't the sort of clothes he would normally wear. He hurried to the bathroom to take a shower.

When Cas emerged Dean was waiting patiently, tapping his foot along to the cassette playing. "I haven't seen one of these in awhile." Cas admitted as he inspected the monster of a cassette player sitting on the coffee table.

"I guess you've updated to digital download, aka iTunes."

"Sadly." Cas chuckled softly.

"I'll be just a second." Dean disappeared into the bathroom.

Cas heard the water start and Dean's voice drifted out, singing along to Asia. Cas tried to hide his smirk as he took a seat on the couch. Dean emerged and Cas couldn't contain himself. "Nice singing."

"Thanks." Dean replied graciously, taking a bow. He straightened up and grabbed his car keys and jacket. "You want a jacket?"

"I'm good, thanks." Cas was shy enough walking into school with Dean's clothes on, let alone his prized leather jacket.

"Let's head out then." Cas grabbed his messenger bag, which he'd almost forgotten he had with him, and followed Dean out to the car. He searched through Dean's cassettes and put one in the stereo.

"Kansas."

Dean nodded his approval and tapped the steering wheel rhythmically.

They walked into the eerily silent school and signed in at the office. Cas saw the principal moving towards them and gulped. "Ah Dean. You finally decided to grace us with your presence. Although I didn't expect this out of you Cas."

Cas opened his mouth but closed it again, speechless. "It's not his fault Mr. Blair," Dean but in. "He crashed at my place last night and I forgot to set my alarm for him." Cas turned to Dean in shock. He was actually taking the blame for him!

The principal let out a long sigh. "Alright Cas, you can go to class. Dean, I'd like to see you in my office."

Cas looked at Dean worriedly as he walked down the hallway but Dean seemed unconcerned. He gave Cas a smile and a wink before disappearing into Mr. Blair's office.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Cas was relieved to see Dean heading his way after school. "Hey."

Dean smiled. "Hey."

"So...they chew you out?"

"Not bad," Dean said with a laugh. "Just 10 years of scraping gum off desks." Cas looked horrified and Dean chuckled. "I was joking Cas, they didn't care."

"Oh...well, thanks. You didn't have to do that."

Dean gave him a smile before hopping in the car. "No problem."

"Seriously-"

"Gotta keep your record clean, right? Mr. College Bound." Cas blushed slightly and rolled down his window. "Speaking of, you apply yet?"

"Yeah, I filled out the applications in chem class and mailed them before dad got home."

"That's great."

"Yeah." Cas fidgeted nervously.

"Hey, you'll get in." Dean reassured him. "Jeez, your practically guaranteed a full ride."

"Yeah...but I'm worried about when Dad finds out."

"Who cares? You'll be away from him, and legally you'll be an adult. There's nothing he could do." Cas resisted the urge to laugh because that statement was the farthest thing from the truth. "The falls?" Dean asked and when Cas shook his head yes signaled left. "You know if you tell anybody about this place, I'll kill you, right?"

Cas let out a loud laugh. "Yeah right. Like you haven't brought a million girls down here."

"Actually....I haven't." Dean said quietly. Cas looked over at him, startled by the news. Dean shrugged his shoulders. "I kinda like this place...it's special to me. I'm not going to take a few girls down here just to screw them."

Cas's mouth opened and closed stupidly before he found his voice. "Well, I'll keep your secret safe."

They rolled to a stop and Dean smiled over at him. "Good, I'd really hate to kill you, too messy."

Cas followed Dean over to the same rocks from last time and lay down with a long sigh. "I see why you like this place."

Dean murmured a response and kicked off his boots, running across the sand with a carefree grin. "We should make a bonfire when it get's dark."

"Sounds good." Cas agreed as Dean plopped down in the sand.

The hours ticked by and Cas couldn't help but notice that Dean was strangely quiet. It was beginning to worry him. "Hey, are you alright?" Cas asked quietly.

Dean turned to him. "Yeah...I'm good." He even smiled to prove his point. "Why?"

"You just seem quiet."

"Is that a bad thing?" Dean asked with a smirk as he gathered up wood.

Cas laughed at this. "I'm not going to answer that."

"Thought so." Dean replied as he dumped a pile of wood and Cas joined in his search.

They soon had a considerable pile and Dean threw in a match, watching as the branches caught and flames ensued. "This is perfect." Cas lie down on the rock with his hands behind his head.

"Really?" Dean asked, opening one of the doors of his car and pulling out a package of marshmallows and a package of hot dogs. "Bet I could make it better."

"With food?" Cas asked with a laugh as he sat up. "I probably should have expected that."

Dean grinned over at Cas and offered him a campfire stick with two hot dogs on it. Cas accepted it eagerly and moved closer to the fire, Dean kneeling down beside him. "You know, I never did this before." Cas admitted, turning his hot dogs so they didn't burn.

"Really? No campfires? I feel bad for you and your childhood." Dean said, blowing on a hot dog before taking a huge bite. "Better late than never, huh?" Dean grinned at him and laughed as Cas's hot dogs caught on fire. "Here." Dean offered him his extra hot dog.

"Thanks." Cas said, his ears turning bright red. Dean also handed Cas a marshmallow and tossed one into his own mouth. Cas leaned back and admired the stars, finally feeling content. "God, this is nice." He said, popping a golden marshmallow in his mouth.

"Mm-mm." Dean agreed.

The fire began to die a few hours later. Dean poked the dying fire with a stick and sighed loudly. Cas let out a yawn but didn't dare close his eyes. He didn't want to let this night go, it seemed perfect. "Damn." Dean muttered as the fire went out.

"Guess that's our sign, huh?" Cas asked with a hint of sadness. He got up to stow the campfire stick back in Dean's car.

Cas heard footfalls behind him and then Dean was leaning close to him. He rested his hands against the car to pin Cas there. "Damn you." Dean muttered in a low voice. Cas turned around and was shocked to be face to face with a pair of brilliant green eyes.

"Excuse me?" He asked in confusion, his breath catching in his throat.

"Damn you Cas." Dean repeated. "I..I'm straight, I swear to God and then you show up out of nowhere and...I'm completely lost. You show up and I question what I ever found in other relationships....I want to know you damn it, you and your whole mystery card thing. I want to get closer. I want to be...I want to be that person you can trust. I want to be there for you, I...I want to be with you God fucking damn it! I don't understand but....everything about you....damn it, I want to be with you."

Cas stood motionless in confusion, trying to determine what Dean was saying. Trying to make sense of it in his muddled brain. _Was he suggesting....?_ Cas felt his heart leap at the possibility and unconsciously reached up to place a hand on Dean's cheek.

A muscle in Dean's jaw jumped and he reached down and pressed his lips to Cas's. His hands moved to tenderly cup Cas's face and Cas felt himself subtly move closer. Heat coursed through him and the strong reminiscent feeling of love came rushing back. Rushing back from his time with Meg.

Dean abruptly detached his lips from Cas's and searched his eyes worriedly, wondering if he'd gone too far. Cas smiled shyly as Dean touched their foreheads together. "That was....nice." Cas murmured.

"Just nice?" Dean asked with a smirk. "I usually get a lot better than that."

Cas knew there was a stupid grin on his face as he looked over at Dean. "Okay, well I don't want to use any of the other cliches either so I'll go with....Honestly, I don't have a good enough word." Cas said, laughing.

Dean grinned back at him as he got in the drivers seat and took Cas's hand once he sat beside him.

Cas admired him shyly as they careened down the road, his foot tapping along to Led Zeppelin. He'd never really noticed before, but Dean was attractive. Like what would he ever be doing with me kind of attractive. He had the brightest, deepest green eyes and just the faintest smattering of freckles across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. There was a look of content on his face as he mouthed along with the words. A smile even seemed to be tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Cas couldn't believe it, but someone like Dean had actually chosen someone like him.This stuff only happened in movies, not real life. It was almost impossible for Cas to comprehend what had just happened and what it now meant for them. Heck, Dean was a guy and everything. And he'd chosen him. Cas smiled and contemplated his thoughts, their hands tangled together. That was certainly something new, for Cas to find another man attractive. The surprising thing was that Cas hadn't even noticed until it was right upon him. How close he'd gotten when he'd tried to hard to remain distant. How much Dean seemed to affect him. Cas's happiest times of day were when he was with Dean. It was just beginning to dawn on him. It wasn't the car, or the music or even the time away from his father and brother he looked forward to each day. No, those were just added bonuses. What made him really happy was being with Dean.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas had butterflies in his stomach as he entered school the next day. He wanted, needed, to see Dean desperately, but a small part of him was afraid. Afraid that last night was just a mirage, a silly dream. He took a deep breath and it was at that moment he heard Dean's voice from behind him.

"Um, hey."

Cas turned around and smiled at seeing Dean as nervous as he felt. "Hey." Cas replied, carefully skirting Dean's eyes.

Dean shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at the floor. "So...last night."

"Was nice."

Dean took a small breath and moved closer to Cas. It didn't matter if they were in a crowded hallway, it seemed as if it was just the two of them. Cas felt his heart pound as Dean slipped his hand into Cas's. Cas kept smiling and opened his locker, Dean moving to stand next to him. Cas turned and caught Dean watching him and blushed, hurriedly grabbing the books he needed. "That's cute." Dean murmured, only making Cas blush even more. The bell rang and the hallway cleared quickly, leaving Dean and Cas standing alone. "See you later." Dean leaned in and gently brushed his lips against the corner of Cas's mouth, smiling at him before drifting away.

\---------------------------------------------------

Cas let out a squeak as he was pulled away from the crowd of people and around the corner. "Hey!" He cried, but his tone softened when he saw Dean. "Hey." He repeated, softly this time.

Dean smiled at him, his hands lingering on Cas's elbow. "You looked pretty scared." He tried not to laugh as Cas swatted him.

"Shut up!" Cas said, crossing his arms.

Dean grinned and picked up Cas's messenger bag, which had been dropped. "So, where you headed?" He asked, following Cas through the empty hallway. Cas's classmates were long gone.

"Computer lab, there's some power point project."

"What class?"

"Bio."

They ducked out of the view of the hall monitor and Cas held his breath at the feeling of Dean's hand on his shoulder, hiding him from view. "You know," Dean grinned as they continued their way down the hallway. "Normal people take off their coats when they're inside."

"Shut up." Cas muttered, pulling his trench coat tighter around him. "Your a special one alright." Dean said with a twinkle in his eye as he took Cas's hand. Cas smiled down at the floor as they stopped to the door to the computer lab. Dean gave Cas a soft smile, squeezing his hand and then slowly letting go. "Bye."

"Bye Dean." Cas took his messenger bag and opened the door, giving Dean a shy smile before disappearing.

\---------------------------------

"Hey."

"Hey you." Dean said, giving Cas an affectionate smile. Cas smiled back as he grabbed his lunch from his locker. "Nope." Dean said, shoving Cas's lunchbox back inside his locker. "You are going to eat some real food."

"You mean a bacon cheeseburger?"

Dean grinned successfully as they walked towards the doors, shoulders bumping. "Exactly, like I said, real food." Cas laughed and took Dean's hand. "You have a nice laugh." Dean whispered, leaning his head close to Cas's. "And a really pretty smile."

Cas squirmed uncomfortably at the attention. "No I don't, stop it." He insisted.

He was so busy looking at Dean he nearly tripped over the curb. Luckily, Dean saved him from face planting just in time. Cas smiled, embarrassed. "Told you." Dean slid an arm around Cas's waist. "Such a pretty smile." He leaned close and brushed his lips against Cas's cheek. Cas couldn't help but smile as he got in the car. He put in an eagles cassette. Dean took his hand, running hid thumb along Cas's palm before turning onto the road. Cas let his eyes close. "You tired?"

"I didn't get much sleep last night." Cas admitted in a mumble.

"Mmm?" Dean raised an eyebrow suggestively. "I wonder why that is? Thinking about me, huh?"

_You have no idea Dean._ He had been up all night, yes, only because it was impossible to sleep during his fathers drunken rage. "You wish." Cas mumbled with a hint of a smirk.

"Hey, if your really that tired you can take a nap. I'll wake you up when lunch is over."

"Thanks." Cas mumbled, leaning his head against the window. Dean gently stroked the side of Cas's cheek that faced him with a soft smile. "You know it's harder to fall asleep with you doing that, right?" The skin where Dean's hand had been seemed to be on fire, but in a good way.

"Sorry." Dean apologized, placing both hands on the steering wheel. He glanced over at Cas every few seconds, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey!" Dean reached over and shook Cas's shoulder. Cas mumbled and shifted. "Wakey, wakey." Dean called, poking him in the ribs.

Cas swatted his hand away. "I'm sleeping." He mumbled. "Leave me alone." Dean laughed and turned up the volume knob on the stereo. Cas moaned and turned to face Dean. His eyes slowly opened and he glared at Dean before turning the volume back down below ear splitting. "I hate you." He mumble, rubbing his eyes groggily.

"Well, I'm glad to know that your nap put you in a better mood." Dean snickered.

"Ugh." Cas reached his arms above his head to stretch. Luckily, Dean was focused on the road and didn't notice the exposed bruise where his shirt had risen up. Cas quickly pulled his shirt down to cover it up. "Where are we?" He asked, squinting outside.

"School." Dean replied, pulling into the parking lot with a smirk. "And right in time too." He said as the bell rang. Cas let out a yawn and opened the door, grabbing his messenger bag from the backseat. "We have history." Dean said, steering Cas towards the nearest set of school doors. "Maybe you should start drinking coffee." Dean suggested, surveying the tired look in Cas's eyes.

"I'm good." Cas said, stifling a yawn as he took his seat next to Dean.

"Yeah right." Dean laughed. He lowered his voice and smirked. "That's what you get for fantasizing about me all night." Cas rolled his eyes and gave him the finger. "Aw, I'm so hurt babe." Dean laughed. "Such a rude gesture from such a nice boy." Cas glared at him, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

 ---------------------------------------------------

"Ah!" A pair of hands covered Cas's eyes and he dropped his books. The hands were removed and he heard Dean's laugh. "Your a dick." Cas muttered as Dean slipped his hands around his waist and rested his chin on Cas's shoulder.

"You gonna pick those up?" Dean asked playfully, referring to Cas's books and papers laying scattered on the floor.

"I hate you." But Cas was smiling and couldn't say it convincingly.

"No you don't." Dean moved away and picked up the textbooks closest to him.

"Shut up." Cas snatched the books from Dean. He shoved it all in his locker and glared over at his boyfriend. Dean grinned at him innocently and took his hand as they walked down the hallway.

Cas yawned and leaned his head against Dean's shoulder."You seriously need to get more sleep." Dean said, concern creeping into his voice. "It's not healthy Cas."

"I know." Cas mumbled.

They reached Dean's car and Dean opened the passenger door for Cas. Cas smiled gratefully and clambered in, stifling another yawn. "You know, you can go back to sleep if you need to." Dean said as Cas struggled to keep his eyes open.

"But this is our time together. I want to spend it with you, not sleeping." Cas argued.

"Hey," Dean said, stroking Cas's hair tenderly. "It's okay, I don't mind. We'll have forever to hang out, you need your sleep."

"But-"

Dean leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Cas's temple. "Shh." He whispered. "It's alright Cas, go to sleep."

Soon the struggle to stay awake ended as Cas's eyes drifted closed and Dean smiled to himself. Cas was stubborn, he'd give him that, but that was one of the reasons why he liked him so much.

\--------------------------------------------------------

They had been together for a couple of months now and Cas still couldn't believe it. They way Dean made him feel so happy, so protected and loved when he held Cas in his arms. They had fell into such a simple routine of just being together whenever they could Cas couldn't imagine it could ever end. It was like Dean had become a piece of him. A piece he just couldn't loose.

"Hey you." Cas looked up and Dean sat beside him.

"Oh, hey."

"Sorry, I had a dentist appointment this morning and I forgot to tell you. Didn't you get my text?"

Cas blushed in embarrassment. "No." He admitted, reaching for his phone. Sure enough, one new text message.

Dean clapped Cas on the knee with a smile. "Come on, let's get out of here." Cas grabbed his stuff and followed Dean across the school grounds. He tried not to look as Dean stripped off his jacket and carried it in his arms. "Come on," Dean said, turning back to Cas. "It's nice out, you don't need that thing silly." He slipped off Cas's trench coat as if it were nothing and threw it at him with a grin. Cas caught it, his cheeks flaming. Cas stuffed his jacket and messenger bag in the backseat and Dean sped out of the parking lot. "Falls?" Dean asked, rolling down his window with a smile. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be in this weather."

The wind ruffled Dean's hair and Cas smiled. "Sounds good." He agreed.

"You going back after lunch?" Dean asked once they arrived at the falls.

"Hell no!" Cas shouted, laying back against the rock with a laugh. "Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard." He whispered quietly as Dean sat beside him.

"To get out of here, remember? To get away from home." Dean propped himself up on his elbows and looked out at the water before back at Cas.

"Yeah." Cas sighed, leaning back against Dean. Cas hated what Dean was doing to him, what he was making him feel, but he wouldn't give it up for anything. Dean got up and took a drink from his flask from his jacket. "Really?" Cas asked with a roll of his eyes.

Dean grinned and offered it to Cas, who shook his head no. "Come on," Dean encouraged with a nudge. "You'll like it."

"Doubt it." Cas snatched the flask from Dean anyway. He hesitated a split second before taking a sip. He spit it out immediately, making a horrible, disgusted face. "That's nasty!" He cried, shoving the flask back into Dean's hands.

Dean laughed and pulled another flask from his jacket. "Actually, that was lake water." He held out the other flask to Cas who just glared at him.

"You are a mean and cruel person." Cas accused, swatting at him. Dean leaned down to kiss him but Cas playfully pushed him away. "Nuh uh, I'm mad at you."

Dean pinned him down and kissed him with a grin. "You know you can't stay angry with me." He took Cas into his arms and Cas blew a raspberry at him. Dean sat up, still holding onto Cas. "Are we going to try this again?" He asked, putting the flask in Cas's hands.

Cas looked at it warily. "And I'm supposed to trust you?" Dean just laughed as Cas hesitantly lifted the flask to his lips. He took a careful sip and made a face. "It burns." He moaned, shoving the flash back at Dean. Dean chuckled.

"It isn't that bad. You just have to get used to it."

Cas made a face as Dean took another drink. "How can you drink that stuff?"

Dean handed the flask back to Cas. "Because life sucks." He said simply.

Finally, at Dean's encouragement, Cas took another sip.

 Soon Cas was giggling uncontrollably. Dean tossed the empty flask back into his jacket. "Are you....drunk?" He asked, trying to suppress his laughter.

"No." Cas protested, but it came out as a laugh.

"Jesus Christ, you are drunk." Dean let out a little half laugh and looked at Cas in astonishment. "God." Dean shook his head as Cas lay his head on Dean's chest with a small sigh. Dean smiled and ran his hand through Cas's hair as Cas continued to laugh.

"We should go swimming." Dean suggested sometime later. Cas grinned and leaped up, following Dean to the waters edge. There was a tiny voice in Cas's head telling him not to do this, but he couldn't think of a good reason not to. "Hey, come on." Dean encouraged, shedding his t shirt and stretching his hand out towards Cas. "We'll jump together." Cas smiled and lifted his shirt over his head and stretched his hand out towards Dean's. His hand stopped midway at Dean's gasp. Cas realized what he'd done and wigged back into his t shirt. He felt tears pool in the corner of his eyes and prayed it was just a bad dream.

"Cas." Dean breathed, a hitch in his voice. He strode over and took Cas in his arms, which caused Cas's tears to finally fall. He pressed himself closer to Dean, leaning his head against Dean's chest. He felt Dean's grip on him tighten. "Cas." Dean whispered, his voice breaking. "Oh Cas....." He gripped the back of Cas's head with one hand and rocked him back and forth tenderly. "Cas." His voice was filled with horror and pain.

Cas held him back tightly, wondering how he could have been so stupid, so oblivious. How his head could have been up in the clouds so much for this to happen.

"Cas." Dean couldn't stop saying his name. Dean gently brought Cas's face to his and placed a hand on either cheek. Dean searched Cas's eyes despertly. Cas could see the horrible images replaying over and over in Dean's mind. Dean tried to smile bravely and placed their foreheads together. He gently reached up and brushed Cas's tears away. "How could anybody hurt you?" He wondered aloud in a delicate whisper. He pulled Cas's head down to the crook of his neck and held him against him. All he wanted to do was protect him. "It's your dad, isn't it?" Dean asked shakily, his hands clutching Cas despertly. "Oh God, Cas!" He let out a sob and closed his eyes, knowing Cas wouldn't give him the answer. He took a deep breath and traced a small, comforting circle on Cas's back. "Cas...he-damn it, you don't deserve this!" Dean placed a gentle kiss on Cas's cheek and traced his brow tenderly. "I won't let him hurt you again Cas, I promise-"

At this point Cas reacted violently, shoving Dean away. "No Dean! You can't, no!" He broke off into a sob and fell to the ground in a heap.

Dean immediately dropped down next to him and pulled him into his lap. "It'll be okay Cas." He whispered, his voice wracked with emotion. "He won't hurt you again-"

"Dean!" Cas's head shot up and Dean searched his eyes anxiously. "You can't! You can't ever stop it! Ever! There is no end! Nobody can help! God, now I've put you in danger too! Dean, I'm sorry!"

A few more tears trickled out but Dean kissed them away tenderly. "No," Dean whispered hoarsely. "I know it must be hard for you to believe, but it's all over-"

"Dean, don't! Just forget about it, please!" Cas shouted pleadingly. "Please Dean, just don't do anything-"

"Cas, no!-"

"Dean." There was pain and anger and fear in Cas's voice and Dean felt his heart go out to him. "Please." Cas looked into Dean's eyes, his face tear stricken and pleading. "Please Dean, it's better this way, if you don't do anything. You have to believe me."

Dean held Cas tightly, searching his eyes for some sense to what Cas was saying. "I can't," He whispered. "I can't stay quiet knowing your being hurt!"

"It's better than you being hurt too! Please Dean, you have no idea-"

"I won't let him hurt you. Or either of us."

"You think you cam protect me but you can't Dean! Anybody who tries to stop it, they get hurt, even die! That teacher in 4th grade, my dad set her house on fire and then we left town the next day! And Meg...oh God...!" Cas let out a soft sob. "She tried and now....now she's dead! She's dead Dean! I know every instinct is telling you otherwise, but please, just forget it! I can't go through this again! I just can't Dean! I can't loose you!"

Dean watched him wordlessly and finally shook his head. "I can't-"

"Dean...please!" Cas's hand rose up to touch Dean's cheek. "Please Dean....just trust me, just for now." He turned away sadly. "Jesus, I was so stupid! I should have never let you find out- I shouldn't have gotten so close!" Dean looked at him, his face shocked and hurt. "I'm sorry Dean, but it's true. Whenever I get close to someone they get hurt!....I thought I could hide it from you, protect you, and God, I wanted to so bad! Because your special Dean and damn it, I wanted to break all the rules and be with you and now look-"

Dean leaned in close and kissed him gently on the lips. A few tears managed to trickle down Dean's face as he let out a soft sob. "Cas, I can't. I just can't...."

Cas looked stricken. "Dean.....please, just try, just for now. Please Dean, just this one thing, for me."

Dean looked at him carefully, swallowing another oncoming sob. "I'll find a way to get you out of this so you don't get hurt." He promised. "If it's the last thing I ever do, I'm going to destroy him and make sure that your safe." Cas tried to smile as Dean placed a lingering kiss on Cas's temple. "I promise." Dean whispered, looking into Cas's eyes and causing Cas's breath to catch. "I promise I'm going to get you out of this." Cas gave him a small, mostly worried smile.

Dean wrapped Cas in his arms once again. He closed his eyes and he felt the steady beating of Cas's heart against him and smiled. Dean felt an immense anger building inside him at the thought of Cas being hurt. He tried to push it away for now, for Cas's sake. He kissed the hollow of Cas's neck and pulled him down with him as he lay against the sand. He pulled Cas up close to him so they were snuggled together and Cas's head rested on Dean's chest. Cas looked up into Dean's eyes and Dean felt his heart soar. Somehow Cas slowly become everything to him.

"How long?" Dean asked quietly, playing with a curl of hair at the back of Cas's head.

Cas took a deep breath. "A long time to be honest, but it really got worse after mom died." Dean shook his head sadly and Cas clenched his hand.

"Hey," Dean said in concern. "I'm sorry I asked, you don't have to talk about it."

"It's alright." Cas murmured, looking out at the water.

They became silent and Dean held Cas a little while longer, not wanting to let him go. "I love you." He finally whispered. "This wasn't exactly the way I wanted to tell you...but I thought you should know."

"How can you?" Cas let out a strangled laugh. "When you know how ugly I am? How can you possibly have any interest in being with me let alone...love?"

Dean pulled Cas up with him as he stood up. He wrapped his arms around Cas's waist, resting his nose against Cas's. "None of this changes anything Cas. Your still  damn beautiful to me." Then they were dancing around. Twirling and twirling to Zeppelin drifting out of the car and Cas couldn't help but let out a carefree laugh as the tears dried on his face. 

"I still love you." Dean murmered once they had finally come to a stop. Dean's thumb gently caressed Cas's cheekbone. "I'll always love you, nothing or nobody is ever going to stop me."

Cas felt a small happiness burning in the center of his chest and for a few seconds was truly happy. He forgot all about everything at hearing Dean say those three little words. The way Dean was holding him so tenderly, it made Cas believe that maybe he could be loved. And as Dean kissed him gently Cas knew that in those few precious seconds everything in the world seemed perfect.

 


	7. Chapter 7

"Cas, you can't go back there." Dean said quietly, turning down the music and looking at Cas intently. "Stay at my place."

"Dean..." Cas looked down at the floor and tried to hold his food down. Even the subject made his stomach roll. "I can't...I have to go back home. If I don't..." He trailed off, afraid of his brother and father's wrath.

"Cas," Dean pleaded, pulling into an empty convenience store parking lot. "Please, you can't go back there-"

"I have to Dean." Cas gave him a sad smile. "I know you want to help, but...if I don't go home, it'll be a thousand times worse. You...you don't understand, they always seem to find me! I just can't get away from them!" Cas looked out the window and let out his breath slowly.

Dean reached over and tenderly brushed Cas's cheek. "God, I just want to take you far, far away from this horrible place."

"I know." Cas smiled sadly and touched Dean's lips with his index finger. "Someday." He closed his eyes and wished with everything that that was true. Dean pressed his lips against Cas's and slipped his arm around Cas's waist. Cas kissed him back and felt a soft hum of happiness grow inside him. He pulled away with an embarrassed smile, his cheeks flaming. As close as he'd gotten, he was still shy, still terrified to expect too much. "God, the thought of anybody hurting you...." Dean unconsciously clenched his fists and Cas touched his shoulder gently to get his attention.

"You know what's getting me through this?" Cas asked quietly. "You. Your the reason I keep trying..You make me remember why I'm still holding on, to be with you. If it wasn't for you.....before, it looked bleak Dean. Before you said hi to me in history class...it looked really bleak. But now...I have you to keep me going." Dean smiled and gave him the most softest, most tender kiss and looked into his eyes. That was enough, no words were needed. Cas gave him a gentle smile and stepped out into the night. "Goodbye Dean, I'll see you tomorrow."

\-------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey." The softness in Dean's voice made Cas's heart flutter.

"Hey." Cas responded as Dean appeared beside him and searched his eyes carefully.

"How you doing?" Cas took Dean's hand when he offered it and smiled.

"Okay."

"Anything....happen?" Dean asked in a low voice. He protectively placed a hand on the small of Cas's back and guided him down the hallway.

"Actually, no. One of those lucky nights I guess." Cas saw concern flitter across Dean's face and tried to backtrack. "I mean, it's not that bad-"

"Don't lie to me." Dean said, his voice low and hoarse.

"Nothing happened." Cas reassured, squeezing his hand as the bell rang.

"Where's your homeroom?"

"English pod."

They walked down the hallway together, swinging their joined hands between them. Cas smiled down at the floor as they stopped outside his homeroom. Dean ran his hand across Cas's cheek before kissing him. Cas blushed and pulled Dean in for a hug, Dean's flannel shirt feeling soft beneath Cas's chest. "I love you." Cas whispered.

"I love you too." Dean gave him another kiss.

"Fag!" Someone called.

Cas stiffened and Dean spun around. "Your just jealous you can't get some, from anybody. Too bad people have standards." He retorted.

A few passing students snickered and Dean smiled victoriously. Cas was immediately wary, sure that this must be a sensitive subject. He wasn't sure, but he'd always thought that Dean was straight. Well, until this happened and he wondered the same about himself. "I'll see you after homeroom." Dean said softly.

"No, I don't want to be here, let's go."

"Cas," Dean studied him and placed a hand on his cheek. "No, I'm not letting you leave. You wanted college, remember?"

Cas crossed his arms. "I hate this place."

"I know." Dean agreed with a small sigh. "But we'll get through it, okay?" Cas still stood there and Dean sighed again. "Don't make me push you." Cas reluctantly entered the classroom, giving Dean one last smile.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

"How did you get out of class so fast?" Cas asked as Dean was waiting for him once the lunch bell rang.

"I have my ways." Dean said with a mysterious smile.

"It's kind of weird actually. Your right there after every class, are you stalking me?" Cas asked with a laugh.

"Shh, don't tell anyone." Dean smirked. "So you wanna go get something to eat?"

"I can't." Cas scuffed his shoe along the floor. "I have detention."

Dean stopped in his tracks and looked over at Cas in astonishment. "Detention? Who are you and what have you done with Cas?" Cas rolled his eyes. "Seriously though, what the hell happened?"

"I didn't hand in my English paper." Cas mumbled.

"And that got you detention?"

"Third time in a row it happened."

"Cas! What the hell?"

"Sorry."

"Damn it," Dean muttered. "This is all my fault."

"No it's not!"

"Who else is taking up all your spare time?"

"I have to go."

Dean sighed loudly. "Okay,but this is not over." He gave Cas a kiss on the cheek before Cas scurried away.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"Missed you at lunch." Dean said as Cas opened the passenger door and slid inside.

"Missed you too." Cas leaned over to turn up the music.

"Uh uh, I don't think so." Dean said, slapping away Cas's hand. "I said that conversation wasn't over and it isn't. I'm not going to be the reason you go off the rails. I'm not going to be the one who ruins all that crap for you, college, freedom." He let out a breath. "So, any homework?"

Cas let out a long sigh, feigning annoyance. "I have a bio test."

"Good, then study. I'll drop you off at the library."

"Deannnnnn-"

"Nope," Dean held up his hand. "No arguments."

"Why do you care so much?" Cas asked quietly.

"Because if it's the only way to get you out of here, you need to take it." Dean looked over at him. The intensity in Dean's eyes took Cas's breath away.

They stopped in front of the library and Dean pulled Cas close before he could escape. "Not mad at me, are you?"

Cas kissed him. "Not if you come with me."

"Nice try." Dean said, pushing him away with a laugh.

"I can study in the car." Cas complained with a pout.

"I'll pick you up in an hour." Dean pulled away and all Cas could do was shake his head.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

"So how did it go?" Dean asked cheerfully.

"I hate you." Cas muttered.

"So should I quiz you?"

"Ah, no." Cas responded quickly, turning on the stereo and putting in a motor head cassette. "This is getting weird. The Dean I know doesn't give a shit about school."

Dean chuckled and placed his hand on Cas's knee. "Your the smart one babe."

"Actually," Cas said, rummaging around in his messenger bag and pulling out three envelopes."Here." Cas shoved them at a flustered Dean. "You open them, I'm too nervous."

"You do realize that opening someone else's mail is a criminal offense, right?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"I gotta stop by my apartment for a second."

"Why?"

"'Because I need to friggin pee!" Cas made a face and Dean laughed. "Hey, you asked. Plus, I need to grab my wallet, I forgot it."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, what are you down in the dumps for? I'm sure you got in." Dean said as he unlocked the front door and hurried to the bathroom. He emerged a few minutes later and picked up the envelopes.

"Sure hope you washed your hands." Cas teased. Dean grinned wickedly but didn't get a chance to respond. "Okay, hurry up and open them."

Dean clucked his tongue. "Impatient, aren't we?" He opened the first and skimmed it with a smile. "Your in, told ya." He tossed it onto Cas's lap and opened the next one. "Your in, again." He tossed the letter to Cas and opened the last one. "Once again, your in." He tossed it to the side and smiled. "I told you that you didn't have to worry."

Cas beamed with pride and Dean kissed him. "I'm proud of you." Dean whispered, his hot breath tickling Cas's ear. "So damn proud." Cas smiled and turned to him, giving him a long kiss. Cas's hand rose to caress Dean's cheek and he sighed as he leaned into Dean. Dean placed a kiss on the tip of Cas's nose before Cas pulled him back down to his lips. He ran his hands through Dean's hair as Dean moved closer, holding Cas against him by a hand on the small of his back. "God, Cas." Dean murmered, gently placing a kiss on Cas's exposed neck. Dean tenderly touched the bruise on Cas's shoulder, which filled him with anger. "I don't want you to go." Dean said truthfully, searching Cas's eyes as he stroked Cas's cheek with his thumb.

Cas kissed the hollow of Dean's neck. "Me either." He whispered, feeling it in his bones. If there was a way to keep Dean safe, he'd want to be with him forever.

Dean's hands slipped underneath Cas's shirt and he pulled him even closer. "Cas?" He asked quietly, the silent question hanging in the air. Cas broke him off with a responding kiss. He let his hands slide down Dean's body and he let out a soft sigh.

"Yes." Cas breathed, ripping himself away long enough to place a gentle kiss on Dean's temple. Dean scooped Cas up in his arms bride style and Cas let out a laugh as they made their way to the bedroom.

Dean dropped Cas down on the bed and Cas pulled Dean down to him, placing a tender kiss on his lips. "I love you." Dean breathed, his hands everywhere, making Cas feel everything. "I fucking love you Cas." He whispered again, his breath hot against Cas's ear. Dean's fingers expertly undid the buttons on Cas's shirt while Cas's fingers fumbled. Dean smiled softly and placed his hands over Cas's to help him. Dean leaned down and placed a gathering of kisses on his collarbone, delicately tracing the scars and bruises that dotted Cas's body. "Your beautiful." Dean whispered and there were tears in Cas's eyes because he'd tried to hard to believe that but deep down he never had. Now all of it was changing, someone was finally making him feel beautiful.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"I love you." Dean murmured, pulling Cas tighter against him.

Cas moved to lie on his side and faced Dean with a shy smile. "I love you too Dean." He gently reached up and placed a kiss on Dean's neck. Dean smiled and Cas smiled back at him shyly. He knew nothing would ever compare to the feeling of Dean holding him. Dean traced the scars and bruises on Cas's chest and watched as his breath caught at the sensation. Cas snatched Dean's hand and kissed the palm before quickly letting go, embarrassed again.

"That guy was a douche bag." Dean said quietly as he held Cas with one arm and played with a lock of hair with his other hand. "Don't let it bother you."

"It doesn't." Cas lied, smiling up into Dean's green eyes. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"I know it does." Dean said softly. "I can see it in your eyes. But it shouldn't bother you, you shouldn't care what anybody says or thinks."

Cas picked at a loose thread on the blanket before meeting Dean's eyes again. "I just never expected this." He said with a soft laugh. "I never thought you....I mean, come on, your a total hit with the ladies. I just never thought I'd feel...."

Dean brushed Cas's hair out of his face and kissed him softly. "Well somebody else can be a hit with the ladies, I don't want any of them anymore."

Cas blushed as Dean touched the tip of their noses together. "I never expected to fall in love again, let alone with....a guy-you."

Dean smiled as he gently ran his thumb along Cas's hipbone. "To be honest, me either. I didn't really know what was happening until that day at the falls.....and I just knew that I had to have you."

Cas smiled at him and let out a tiny laugh. "I guess I forgot what it was like to love somebody....ever since.....Well, I never thought I'd find somebody again....." He trailed off and saw the burning question in Dean's eyes. "Meg." He whispered, smiling softly into the distance. "God, sometimes it seems a lifetime ago and other times it seems only yesterday...." Cas shifted and rested his head back on Dean's chest as he lay back down. "I thought I loved her, but now...I'm not so sure. You view love a little differently in the 9th grade. I cared about her, I know that much and maybe I did love her....but....not like this. I wasn't willing to put her in danger...maybe I've just become more selfish....." Dean smiled and ran his hand through Cas's hair, comforting him. "Although...sometimes I wonder if it would have developed into more....if only we had more time. But...I don't think it would have compared to this. This, us, seems special."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and kissed the back of his head. "Mmmmm." He murmured, he could still here Zeppelin playing softly in the other room.

"I just wish she'd never met me." Cas whispered. "Just like you...I can't stand the thought of you in danger, that I put her in danger."

"Cas-"

"She's dead Dean."

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds while Dean recovered. "That's the old girlfriend you were talking about that day, isn't it? That day in the rain on the sidewalk.?"

"Yeah..."

"Cas, I'm sorry." Dean whispered, his arms tightening around Cas in comfort.

"And it's all my fault!" Cas let out a soft sob. "God, I wish I could go back in time and tell the both of you to run far away from me."

"Never," Dean interrupted. "I'd never stay away from you."

"I'm sorry." Cas whispered. "I know what's going to happen-your going to get hurt, maybe even die, and I'm too selfish to do the right thing! I just want to lie here with you forever, I don't want to let you go-"

Dean pushed Cas over so he was lying on his stomach and kissed him on the lips. "Then don't," He murmured. "Don't ever let me go. I want you to stay with me forever."

Cas smiled sadly. "I wish I could Dean."

"You can. At least for now, please, just for a little while. I'll prove to you that nothing bad is going to happen to me."

"I won't be responsible for another death Dean, especially not yours."

"Cas, Meg dying wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was Dean."

It was so blunt that Dean was stunned for a moment.

"She..she noticed the bruises on my arms one day in gym class. She confronted me about it and....I cracked. I told her everything and she went to the police and then...." Cas let out a sob. "Dad...he saw us hanging out one day and said he wanted to meet her. God, I'll never forget the look on Meg's face when I told her that." Cas smiled sadley and Dean traced his brow tenderly. "She came over one day after school, and Dad knew that I'd told her what was going on so...." Cas took a gulp of air and swallowed a sob. "He wrapped his hands around her neck...and...he didn't let go, he didn't stop. No matter how blue her face turned. No matter how much I tried to stop it, God, I tried to stop it....it...it just didn't end." Cas let out a sob and buried his head against Dean's chest. "I had to stand there and watch....I failed her, I couldn't stop it, I failed her." Dean held him tenderly, rocking Cas back and forth in his arms as he cried quietly. "I failed her, I couldn't save her, and then afterwards.....Dad made me help bury the body..." Cas closed his eyes and sniffled. "I just....you know, it almost looked like she was sleeping. Like she could wake up any minute. But....But we shoved her in that hole and piled dirt on top and even if she could wake up, even if she wasn't dead......"

"Shh." Dean murmured, rubbing Cas's back comfortingly. "Shh Cas, it's alright babe. It's alright now." Cas took a deep breath and tried to wipe his tears away. "Shh." Dean whispered again.

Cas's sobs and sniffles slowly lessened until Dean was sure he'd finally fallen asleep. He gave Cas a gentle kiss on the forehead and stared up at the ceiling silently. The Zeppelin cassette was still playing softly in the background and Dean felt tears prick his eyes, but he closed them, letting Cas's rhythmic breathing lull him to sleep.

\--------------------------------------------------------

"Hey." Dean said softly as Cas stirred next to him. Cas opened his eyes and lifted his head before letting it flop back down. He let out a small sigh and Dean placed his hand on the back of Cas's head. Cas let out another small sigh, this time in content. "None of this is your fault Cas." Dean said softly. "You have to stop blaming yourself. I'm sure Meg forgives you, people make mistakes and those mistakes can be forgiven."

Cas sniffled and snuggled into Dean. "Promise me if he ever comes after you-" "Cas,"

Dean took Cas's face in his hands and bowed their foreheads together. "No, you promise me something. Get rid of that guilt, about Meg, if something happens to me, just promise me that you won't blame yourself. Even if something does happen....I wouldn't give up my time with you for anything. I wouldn't change any of it. I fell in love with you and I wouldn't ever do anything to change that."

Cas smiled down at Dean with tears in his eyes and then kissed him gently. "I love you Dean." He intertwined their fingers and looked into Dean's eyes. "I love you so much." Dean smiled at him. Cas felt his heart soar and wondered if there was anything greater than this, being in love. "I think your the best damn thing that's ever happened to me." Dean leaned down and kissed him. Cas smiled and pulled him closer and closer. Because he wanted to get as close as he could- he wanted everything. He wanted Dean to love him, to make him forget and make him feel special.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cas couldn't help but giggle as his stomach growled. "Sorry." He apologized as his stomach let out another gurgle.

Dean traced along Cas's jawbone with his thumb and smiled. "I guess we better get some food, huh?" Cas blushed as Dean threw him his clothes and dressed hurriedly. "You okay?" Dean asked, taking Cas's chin in his hand and looking Cas in the eyes.

"Yeah." Cas murmured, smiling down at the floor.

Dean pulled Cas close by his belt loops to give him a kiss before grabbing his car keys and wallet. "Here, wear it." Dean said, giving Cas his leather jacket. Cas was confused but gave Dean his trench coat wordlessly. Dean grinned wickedly. "I guess that means I have to wear this old thing." He slipped on the trench coat with a smile and took Cas's hand as they walked out to the car.

Dean admired Cas out of the corner of his eye as he started the car and pulled Cas beside him. He instantly grabbed Cas's hand, prompting a smile from the shorter. "I guess you'l have to get home soon, huh?" Dean didn't seem exactly happy with that idea.

Cas looked out the window at the stars shining and as much as he didn't want to leave Dean, he knew he shouldn't try his luck. "Yeah." He sighed just as they pulled in the diners parking lot.

They took the same booth at the back and Ellen appeared instantly. "Are you ever going to introduce me or what?" She asked Dean, hands on hips.

Dean looked down at the table and smiled. "Cas, this is Ellen. Ellen this is Cas." Ellen gave Cas a wide smile and Cas felt himself warming up to her. She seemed like one of those people you couldn't help but like.

A younger blonde came rushing over. "Is that Cas? I want to finally meet him!" Dean tried not to laugh as Jo hugged him. "Okay, Jo, is this Cas. Cas, this is Jo, Ellen's daughter and probably the closest thing I have to a sister."

"Awww." Jo beamed and smiled at Cas. "Well isn't he just the cutest thing?" She hurried over to the kitchen and appeared a few minutes later with their food and pulled up a chair. "So," She trilled. "How'd you two meet? And isn't this just adorable?" She touched the sleeve of Dean's leather jacket that Cas was wearing and smiled. Cas blushed instantly but Jo continued on. "You guys are just the cutest couple. Everyone said Dean would never be in a serious relationship, but here it is!"

"You make sure Dean treats you right, you hear? No being a cheapskate." Ellen winked over at Cas with a smile.

"So how did you two meet?" Jo asked again. You still never answered, but I bet it was super romantic."

"School." Dean said bluntly, stabbing a mouthful of fries and hoping they would get the hint.

"Aww," Ellen cooed and Cas was glad they were the only ones in the diner. "High school sweethearts, that's cute. You have your song yet?" Cas blushed immediately and looked over at Dean. He remembered the feel of Dean's hands on him, the song playing softly in the background and knew his face was beet red.

"Traveling riverside blues." Cas smiled and the look on Dean's face made him smile even more.

"Aww, someone to share his classic rock obsession with."

Cas and Dean finished eating and Jo cleared away the dishes. "Hey Dean," Jo called. "Don't let him get away, he seems like a special one. And bring him around more often would ya?"

Cas blushed and Dean wrapped an arm around his waist as they headed outside. He stopped by the car and kissed Cas gently, his hands rising up to cup Cas's face. "The special one indeed. I won't ever let you get away." Dean murmured, Cas blushed again as he opened the passenger door.

 "You can just let me out here." Cas said as they drove by the same convenience store parking lot from last night.

"You live around here?" Dean asked.

"Maybe."

Dean sighed. "Your never going to tell me, are you?"

"Would you believe I was trying to protect you? If you can't find them then there's less chance of them finding you."

Dean smiled sadly and pulled Cas close to stroke his cheek. "Today was nice." Dean murmured, searching Cas's blue eyes with a smile.

"Remind me to spend every day with you." Cas replied with a gentle smile.

"I will," Dean gave him one last kiss. "Every second I can be I'll be with you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay there are a few f bombs in this chapter and i was debating changing the rating to mature because of that but i just tagged it as strong language instead.

"Cas."   
Cas sank into Dean's touch as a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and Dean kissed him on the cheek. "Hey Dean." Cas whispered happily.

Dean smiled down at him and took his hand before his expression turned grim. "Cas, your bleeding." He whispered, noticing little pricks of blood seeping through the back of his shirt. "What happened?" He asked quietly, his voice hoarse.

"Dean, it's nothing-"

"Cas, what the hell happened?" Dean's voice turned hard.

"I just....fell against some glass..."

"Jesus," Dean cursed. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He led Cas through the crowded hallway, pushing his way past the people to the nearest men's washroom. Luckily, it was empty. Dean jammed one of Cas's textbooks under the door to keep it closed and turned to Cas in concern. "Damn it," Dean muttered, eyeing the blood seeping from the back of Cas's shirt. He gently reached up and stripped off Cas's t shirt and gasped. "Jesus Christ, Cas." He breathed, hesitantly reaching out and causing Cas to cringe. "You didn't fall. It was your dad."

Cas nodded his head weakly. "He was in one of his moods, real drunk and pissed that I was never home. That I was a screw up, just the usual. But he started in on me and the mirror broke. I didn't think anything of it until he pushed me and I fell into it."

Dean involuntarily cringed at the mental image and grabbed the flask out of his bag. "Why the hell did you come to school like this?"

"...I had to get out of the house, I had to see you, I didn't think it was that bad." Dean shook his head as he dumped out the contents of his backpack onto the floor. "What are you looking for?" Cas asked shakily.

"Dental floss, a needle and tweezers." Dean pawed through his stuff, raising a pair of tweezers victoriously. "Aha!"

"You carry tweezers around with you?" Cas asked, trying to hold in his laughter.

"Shut up, they were one of my old 'girlfriends'. She had this weird eyebrow plucking obsession."

"Jesus, do you ever clean out your backpack?"

"Nope." Dean said with a grin. Cas shook his head with a small smile. "Damn it!" Dean shouted. "These need stitches and I don't have any dental floss or a needle!"

"Backpack." Dean gave Cas a questioning look. "I clean out my messenger bag as much as you clean out your backpack." Cas said with a knowing smile. "You never know what you'll find."

Dean dumped out the contents of Cas's backpack and smiled. "Perfect."

They both heard the bell ring and Dean cursed under his breath.

"I don't care." Cas wheezed, because damn it, it hurt and it was taking all his composure to keep it together.

"Here." Dean said, handing Cas the flask. "It'll help with the pain." Cas took a couple of sips and Dean searched his eyes carefully before kissing him. "This will hurt, I'm sorry." He said, using the tweezers to pick out a piece of glass and place it on the counter.  
Cas clenched his jaw and gripped the edge of the counter, closing his eyes and trying to forget the pain. He felt a burning as Dean poured alcohol over the cut to prevent infection. "Son of a bitch." Cas muttered through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean whispered emotionally.

Cas let out a yelp as Dean began sewing him up.

"Shh." Dean murmured, gently touching the back of Cas's neck to relax him.

Cas let out a long sigh as Dean finished and cut the floss. "Great, one down and only a million to go."

"Damn it." Dean muttered, the tweezers hovering over the next wound. "I don't want to do this, I can't hurt you."

"Hey, it's not so bad." Cas tried to smile but it came out a grimace. "Besides, I sure as hell can't go to the hospital."

Dean put on a brave face and dug out the next piece of glass, placing a hand on Cas's hip to steady him. 

Cas placed one hand atop Dean's and squeezed it. "I love you." Cas said through gritted teeth. "I wouldn't let anybody else get this close to me with a needle." Dean let out a soft laugh as he stitched up the second wound. "You know....I had to do this to my mom once." Cas said quietly. "Dad beat her up pretty bad, she couldn't drive herself to the hospital and I sure wasn't going to try."

"Jesus, how old were you?"

"7 or 8, somewhere around there. Mom walked me through it, told me what to do."

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean whispered as he continued working.

"She was so brave. Didn't cry or anything, and I imagine it hurt a million times worse than this.....God, I miss her."

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean murmured, placing a kiss on his shoulder. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist for a few precious seconds and Cas leaned into him.

"I know she didn't kill herself, she wouldn't! I know it was Dad, he killed her and didn't want to get caught so he made it look like a suicide! Jesus...I wish I hadn't seen her like that..."

"Oh God, you found her?" Dean asked, the needle poised in midair.

"Yeah," Cas said in a low voice. "I thought she was sleeping at first." Dean wrapped his arms around Cas tenderly, being careful to avoid any wounds. "It was when she didn't wake up when I realized....that she....she was dead...."

Dean tentatively went back to work, feeling his stomach turn. "That's sick." Dean said angrily. "That your dad would...."

Cas shrugged his shoulders and Dean took his hand. He finished the third wound and turned Cas to face him. His face was tear stricken and Dean immediately took him in his arms, rocking him in a comforting motion. Cas reached up and touched Dean's cheek. "Thanks." He whispered, his eyes shining. He stood and kissed Dean's temple with a smile. "Was it really that bad?" He asked, placing his hand on Dean's hip.

Dean swallowed thickly. "Let's just say your lucky I was here. Next time something like that happens, call me, I don't care what time it is."

Cas smiled softly as Dean packed away his supplies and gave Cas his t shirt he'd been wearing underneath his flannel shirt.

"Mmm, you look good in my clothes." Dean said, pressing their faces close together with a twinkle in his eye.

Cas smiled gently as Dean spun him around in a circle. Cas smiled wildly as they came to a stop. Dean tenderly placed a hand on Cas's back. "How's it feel?"  
"Sore, but better, thanks."

Dean smiled as he unblocked the door and took Cas's hand in his. "You deserve so much better than this." Dean murmured but Cas didn't respond as the noise from the hallway seemed deafening.

\-------------------------------

"How's your back feeling?" Dean asked worriedly as he pulled Cas close to him in the hallway.

"Well hey to you too." Cas said with a soft smile, placing a hand on Dean's cheek.

Dean smiled before kissing the underside of Cas's wrist and placing a hand on the small of his back. "Missed you." He murmured.

Cas smiled at the floor. "Good, now let's get out of here. I don't want to stick around."

"Such a rebel." Dean murmured, placing a kiss on Cas's cheek. "But your Mr. College Bound-"

"And sometimes I need a little time off." Cas went flying through the hallway, laughing as Dean chased after him.

"Speaking of, you decide where you are going yet?" Dean asked as he held open the door for Cas.

"I think so." Cas said, picking at his fingernail.

"So you gonna tell me?"

"Nope." Cas said with a sly grin. "It'll remain a mystery a little while longer."

They were out of view of the school now and Cas took Dean's hand and skipped through the parking lot, a huge grin emerging on his face. He twirled around in the sprinkling of rain and laughed aloud as Dean caught up to him and shoved him in the car.

"It's raining out silly," Dean half scolded, half laughed. "Your gonna catch a cold."

Cas smiled over at him with a twinkle in his eye. "So?"

Dean rolled his eyes and placed his hand on Cas's leg with a gentle smile. "So, where to?"

"Anywhere." Cas replied, sighing happily. "As long as I'm away from there and with you, I just don't care."

Dean felt his heart soar and gently reached up to trace Cas's brow with his thumb. He smiled gently and Cas smiled back shyly. "Sounds good to me." Dean agreed, putting the car in gear and pulling out of the parking lot.

They drove around aimlessly for half an hour, Cas lying his head on Dean's shoulder. He finally decided to pull into the garage parking lot and shut off the engine. "I'd go to the falls, but you know," Dean said, motioning outside. "It's raining."

Cas smiled as they entered the building and went around to the back where Sammy's mustang sat. "Go ahead." Cas said, taking a seat. "I'll just enjoy the view." He raised an eyebrow suggestively and Dean pulled him close for a quick kiss. "Get to work." Cas said, swatting him away with a small smile.

"Well I'll need my assistant." Dean insisted, pulling Cas into his arms.

Cas smiled as he kissed him. "Well, your quite convincing."

They heard a door open and broke apart quickly, Cas's cheeks flaming. "John? You in here?"

Dean let out a snort of laughter and walked out front, motioning for Cas to follow him. "You know Dad only stays to lunchtime Bobby."

Bobby grinned. "Okay, you caught me, I wanted to see how the car was coming along."

Dean chuckled. "Come on around back."

Bobby admired the car with a nod of his head. "It's coming along pretty good, kinda slow, but good." Bobby glanced over at Cas and then at Dean. "Almost like someone is taking up most of your time."

"Sorry!" Cas blurted and then ducked his beet red face.

Bobby shook his head with a smile and turned to Dean. "You tell your parents yet?" He asked quietly, his gaze going from Cas to Dean. It seemed he knew exactly what was going on.

Dean swallowed and scuffed the toe of his boot against the floor. "I'm scared Bobby." He whispered, his voice cracking and making Cas want to reach out to him. "Damn it, I'm scared as hell." Dean's voice cracked again and he cleared his throat. It was like Cas wasn't even there anymore. He hadn't seen Dean this raw, vulnerable, before.

"I know boy." Bobby replied, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. "But I've never seen you this serious about someone. They're going to have to find out sooner or later."

"I know." Dean whispered. "But hell, you know what happened when I brought Lisa home. I don't know Bobby, Cas seems like a pretty big bomb to drop on them."

"It'll be alright boy." Bobby gave him a hug. "I gotta get going, but hey, you need anything, you call me, okay?" Dean gave a slight nod and Bobby gave Cas a nod on the way out.

Cas watched Dean quietly for a few minutes until he couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Dean?" He asked quietly, taking a hesitant step towards him. Dean looked up, startled. Cas hurried to him and took him in his arms. It felt nice, because it was usually the opposite, but it felt nice to hold Dean, to comfort him. Dean clung to him and Cas knew he'd go to the ends of the earth for the man in his arms. "Hey, it'll be alright." Cas whispered, holding Dean's head against his chest. He ran his thumb along Dean's cheek and kissed the top of his head.   
Dean let out a tiny sigh and wrapped his arms around Cas's waist. "Sorry." Dean mumbled, keeping his gaze on the floor.

Cas smiled softly and took his hand, running his thumb along Dean's palm gently. "It's alright." He said softly.

Dean met his gaze and shyly smiled. "So I guess your pissed at me for not telling you that, huh?"

Cas searched his eyes and tried to smile. "Why didn't you?"

Dean let out a long sigh and looked to the ceiling as if the answer were there. "I don't know." He admitted finally. "I was never good with the whole.....lets talk about our emotions thing. It scares me that-to get that close. I'm supposed to have this normal, apple pie life and-"

"I'm not a part of that." Cas said, his gentle smile hiding his hurt.

"Cas....I don't want to talk about this." Dean said abruptly. "I'm not letting you go for anything, so can we drop it?" Cas studied him carefully but shook his head yes. "Good, lets go get some food. I'm starving."

\--------------------------------

"Damn it Cas," Dean muttered as he messaged Cas for the millionth time that day. "Answer your God damn phone." He stood up, his stomach churning as the bell rang. For the first time in his life, he was the first one to class.

It wasn't exactly an easy day and by the time lunchtime rolled around Dean knew something must be horribly wrong. Cas wouldn't stay away from school, he wouldn't voluntarily give away the little part of his day that was his escape. Dean waited until the office staff went for lunch and quickly jiggled the lock. He breathed a sigh of relief as it swung open. He looked around to make sure no one had seen him and headed for the student files. Once he found what he wanted, he was out of the school within minutes. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean pulled up against the curb and shut off the engine, surveying the little house in front of him.

It looked normal enough from the outside, you'd never expect the sinister people it housed. Dean got out of his car and walked up the front steps. He knocked on the door and when nobody answered, rang the doorbell. Still no answer. He opened the door, which thankfully wasn't locked, and tiptoed down the small hallway towards the noise. He gasped when he came to a lit room, Cas lying on the floor, bloody and beaten. Two men stood over him, his brother and father Dean guessed.

"Dean," Cas murmured when he spotted the figure in the doorway. He seemed to be in a daze and it made Dean's insides clench with anger. "Dean," Cas repeated, his voice becoming a warning. "Go, you shouldn't be here-"

Crack.

The older shoved Cas, causing him to fall back and smash his head against the wall. He slumped over, unconscious. "Shut up you worthless piece of crap."

"Cas!" Dean cried, instinctively running over to the still body. "Oh God, Cas." He knelt beside him and felt for a pulse, breathing a small sigh of relief at the steady beating underneath his fingertips. He dug around in his pocket shakily for his cell phone, finally finding it and dialing 911.

"Don't you dare- you have no right to just barge in here!" The oldest cried, lunging for Dean, who ducked out of the way.

"Go fuck yourself!" Dean glared at him as the call went through. "We need an ambulance at 478 River Road-"

The younger man ripped the phone away from Dean, sending it flying into the corner as he glared at Dean with hard eyes.

Apparently, they both mistook Dean for someone they could push around.

Dean turned and pinned the younger against the wall, his eyes flashing furiously. He expertly ducked out of the way of an oncoming punch from the older from behind him and quick as a flash Dean had thrown a punch at his head, knocking him out cold. 

He turned to the younger and pinned him against the wall again. "I'm going to make sure neither of you ever lay a fucking finger on him again!" Dean felt a rage build inside him and his heartbeat sped up from the adrenaline pumping through his body. Oh, how badly he wanted to punch him, to hurt him, to even kill him. But the thought of Cas lying on the floor helplessly cleared his head. He had to get his priorities straight. He could deal with those two assholes later, right now it was Cas who was important. He backed away and knelt beside Cas as he heard the ambulance pull up.

Cas was loaded into the ambulance within minutes and Dean rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital. In fact, he held Cas's hand the entire time. If Cas was awake he'd be blushing furiously. But this wasn't Cas, it was just an empty shell and his face remained pale and emotionless.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

It was scary, Dean wasn't going to deny it. The longer Cas was unconscious the less chance of him waking up. At least that was what the doctors said. But Cas was strong, Dean had to keep hoping he was strong enough.


	9. Chapter 9

"Damn it Cas." Dean muttered, taking Cas's hand in his. "Damn it."

He became quiet and watched the rising and falling of Cas's chest. He gently ran his thumb along Cas's palm and tried to smile. "Damn it, how could you let them hurt you? How could I?" He let out a tiny sigh. "Damn it Cas, I'm sorry. Don't be pissed that I called the cops, what was I supposed to do? Actually, take that back. You can be pissed at me all you want, you just have to wake up."

But the room remained eerily silent and Dean felt his heart sink.

"Come on, your tough, strong, right? You've pulled through this crap before..." Dean trailed off as his eyes became misty. "Your gonna be okay." He said aloud, mostly for his own hope. He gave Cas a gentle kiss on the cheek and squeezed his hand again. "You have to be okay."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean paced the length of Cas's hospital room anxiously, wringing his hands with worry. He let out a long sigh but continued pacing, his heart almost thudding out of his chest.

Cas let out a soft mumble and Dean whipped around, relief filling his eyes when he saw Cas awake. "Hey," He whispered, taking a seat on the edge of Cas's bed. Cas smiled up at Dean shyly and Dean felt his heart soar. Suddenly, everything was okay.

"Hey you." Cas smiled, his voice hoarse and low from lack of use. Dean smiled and took his hand, gently locking their fingers together. He wanted to lean down and hold him tightly, desperately needing to know he wasn't imagining this, but decided it was better not to. He was afraid to push too far. Cas searched his eyes and smiled. "My hero." Dean let out a little laugh and blushed. "Saving the damsel in distress,such a night in shining armor."

Dean laughed again and gently placed a kiss on Cas's forehead. "Thank God your alright."

"You'd just be lost without me, wouldn't you?" Cas teased with a playful smile.

Dean smiled back softly. "Yeah, I actually probably would be."

Cas smiled sadly and reached up to trace Dean's cheekbone. "I love you."

"I love you too." Dean placed another kiss on his forehead. Cas snuggled back against the pillows and closed his eyes. "You should get some rest." Dean suggested.

"Mmm." Cas murmured, squeezing Dean's hand.

It was quite some time before Cas opened his eyes. "Dean?"

"Mm?"

Cas shifted and pulled Dean closer. "How'd you know? How did you know I was in trouble? And how did you find my house? It's like this sudden instinct kicked in for you and you went into hero mode."

Dean laughed. "It's a lot simpler than that. You weren't in school that day, so I automatically knew something was up. You may hate school, but you hate home more. You said it yourself, school is your escape and when you didn't show for school, I knew something was wrong. So I waited until lunch and got into your file from the office-"

"You broke into the office for my file?" Cas asked incredulously.

"Yeah, anyway, I got that and it had your address luckily and I just knew I had to get over there...and you know the rest Castiel."

Cas looked away, his cheeks flaming. "Oh God, you found....don't call me that."

"Why?" Dean asked with a hint of a laugh.

"Because it's girly." Cas mumbled.

"Is Cas really an better- less girly?"

Dean asked with a tiny smirk.

"Shut up," Cas muttered but smiled over at Dean. "It's Cas."

"Okay Castiel."

"Dean!" Cas complained.

"What? I like it." Dean said with a smile that made Cas's heart flip. Cas shook his head, feigning annoyance but a smile tugged at his lips.

A nurse came in and smiled. "Cas, it's good to see you awake!" She said cheerfully, checking the machines and changing Cas's IV drip. "There you go, all set." She said, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "The doctor should be in in a little while."

"I hate hospitals." Cas said once she had left. "Dad pounded it into my brain that they were bad places, for weak people."

"Hey, that's not true." Dean said, touching Cas's cheek.

"I know...it's just that I guess I've grown up like that. It's pretty hard to tell myself that's wrong all of a sudden, you know what I mean? I just want out of here."

"You'll be out soon." Dean promised with a tender smile. Cas smiled back silently and after a few moments of silence Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. "Listen Cas, you...you can't go home. I know that's the farthest thing from what you want to hear, but...you can't."

"Dean-"

"Cas, I'm sorry, but you can't. I'm not just saying this to protect you or keep you from going back. I called the cops when I found you so there's going to be a trial and stuff, but they said no matter what you won't be going back to them Cas."

Cas swallowed thickly. "So they're right when they say you can't go home."

"Cas, I'm sorry. I know your whole world seems to be just falling apart, but it is better this way. They won't be able to hurt you anymore." Cas picked at a thread on the blanket, his composure sullen. "Cas, I'm sorry." Dean leaned down and gave him an awkward hug.

Cas held onto him tightly. "What am I going to do?" He asked quietly, his voice breaking.

Dean held him tenderly, kissing the top of his head. "Shh Cas, it'll be okay. Your going to college, remember? Your a Mr. smarty pants. It's not that far away until the fall semester starts, you can stay at my place until then. It'll be okay Cas, we'll make it work."

Cas sniffled, embarrassed. Dean handed him a box of Kleenex with a soft smile. "I'm sorry." Cas apologized. "I know they were assholes, but-"

"They were your family, I understand Cas." Dean said gently. "In some sick, twisted way, they are still your family, your blood. Of course your going to care about them,even if they don't deserve it."

"So, does this mean I'm going home with you?" Cas asked, a sly, suggestive smile breaking through.

"Do you want to come home with me?" Dean asked with a smile, playing along.

"Hell yes." Cas laughed and pulled Dean close to kiss him. "Now you just have to break me out of here."

Dean shook his head with a smile. "Nice try, but I'm not letting you leave until you are better."

"I am better-"

"Until they say that you are better and you can leave." Dean said, laughing as Cas pretended to be angry.

"Visiting hours will end in 5 minutes." A voice over the loudspeaker announced.

"I don't want you to leave." Cas whispered, squeezing Dean's hand.

"I know Cas, but I'll be back, I promise." Dean placed a kiss on Cas's temple.

Cas bit his lip but smiled as Dean pulled the door close behind him.

Dean got in his car and drove home, alone.

\-----------------------------------------------

"You have fun with that." Dean dropped a monstrous pile of schoolwork on the table by Cas's bed.

"Jesus," Cas whispered. "That's a lot of homework."

"Can't have Mr. college bound falling behind, now can we? Besides, it's not like there is much else to do in here."

Cas have a small 'humph' as Dean pulled up a chair. "I want the hell out of here."

Dean gave him a pitiful look. "I know Cas, soon."

"Castiel?" A nurse poked her head around the door.

"It's Cas!" Cas barked with a frown.

Dean lowered his head to hide his smirk.

"Okay, sorry." The nurse said, handing Cas a container with a few pills in it. "Well it's time to take your medications."

"Yeah Castiel." Dean said, ducking as Cas threw a textbook at him. "Better get at your homework." Dean smirked, picking up the book and chucking it back at Cas.

\------------------------------

"I never thought this day would come. God, am I ever glad that I'm leaving." Cas said, glaring around at the empty room before they walked out into the hallway.

Dean laughed and took Cas's hand, causing him to smile. "So how does it feel to finally be free?"

"Damn good." Cas said, giving him a smile.

Dean smiled back and helped Cas into the empty elevator. Dean slung Cas's bag over his shoulder and hit the ground floor button. "Baby missed you."

"I missed her too." Cas smiled, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. "But I missed you most of all. Your car is cool, but you are so much cooler."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Dean said as the elevator doors pinged and then opened.

They walked hand in hand outside where the sun was just begging to set. Cas smile when he spotted the impala. "Now this is home." He murmured as Dean started the engine and Cas reached over to put in a cassette. Dean smiled over at Cas softly before Cas reached over and kissed him on the lips.

"Mmm, what was that for?" Dean asked with a soft smile.

Cas smiled tenderly and took Dean's hand. "Everything."

"Love you."

"Love you too Dean."

"You hungry?" Dean asked as they pulled into the diners parking lot.

"Don't ask stupid questions." Cas grinned and leaped out of the car. "I'm freaking starving, hospital food sucks."

"Hey Ellen," Dean called into the empty diner as they took their usual booth in the back.

Ellen appeared and looked overjoyed to see Cas. "Cas!" She cried in relief. "Oh sweetie, I'm so glad your okay. Dean told me what happened."

Cas looked over at Dean with wide eyes, feeling his breath catch. "Yeah, I told her how klutzy Cas fell down the stairs." Dean shook his head with a fake grin. "Maybe she can convince you to be more careful."

Cas felt relief fill him and smiled at Dean gratefully. "Thank you." He mouthed once Ellen had left.

Dean gave him a confident smile. "No problem." He squeezed Cas's hand as Ellen came back with their food.

"Dean is right sweetie, you need to be more careful." Ellen chided. "Life is precious, you need to respect that."

"Yeah," Cas mumbled. "I know."

"I'm just glad your okay sweetheart." Ellen leaned down to give him a hug and then whispered in his ear. "Dean was real down in the dumps without you." Cas smiled shyly as Ellen retreated to deal with a few new customers.

"What did she say to you?" Dean asked as he took a giant bite of his burger.

"Oh, just how depressed you were without me." Cas said playfully with a grin as Dean rolled his eyes.

"Well aren't we arrogant." Cas just grinned silently and finished his burger.

Dean paid the bill and took Cas's hand. "See ya Ellen." He called.

"You make sure Cas is safe, you hear me Dean? Don't let him fall down anymore stairs." Dean grinned and saluted her. "Yes ma'am." Cas smiled shyly as Dean walked him to the car and even opened the passenger door for him. "Don't fall down any more stairs or I'll have to answer to Ellen." Dean said with a twinkle in his eye.

Cas laughed as Dean got in his side and pulled away. "Gosh, that sounds so horrible," He teased. "But seriously, thanks for the story back there."

Dean glanced over at him and then back at the road. "You didn't actually think I'd tell her, or anyone,the truth,did you? Hell, the first thing I did when I got home from the hospital was make up a plausible story."

"Yeah, thanks anyhow." Cas said softly, reaching over and touching Dean's arm. Dean smiled back at him softly and Cas smiled blissfully, because he'd finally found a home, Dean.

\-----------------------------

"I tried to clean up a bit but it's still a mess, sorry." Dean unlocked the front door, motioning for Cas to step inside.

"It's alright," Cas said wistfully. "My house wasn't exactly in perfect order either."

"So I guess you'll be wanting the grand tour?" Dean said, dropping Cas's bags and turning on a light switch. "This," He said, waving his hand in a flourish. "Is the hallway, obviously." Cas couldn't help but grin and followed Dean. "And this," He opened the first door. "Is the bathroom." He continued down the hallway which opened up into a kitchen and living room. "Kitchen," Dean said, pointing one way. "Living room." He pointed the other way. He opened the last door. "Bedroom," He announced, giving Cas a suggestive wink and causing him to blush. "Hope we spend a lot of time in there."

Cas shoved him playfully. "Is that all you think about?"

"No, just most of the time." Dean teased, slipping off his leather jacket. "Come on, hand it over." Dean said, holding out his hand until Cas handed Dean his trench coat. "There," Dean said as he hung them both on the coat rack in the hallway. " Now it's home."


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey," Dean walked up behind Cas, who seemed lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." Cas replied softly as Dean wrapped his arms around Cas with a smile.

Dean noticed Cas cringe as if he were in pain and pulled back immediately. "Cas? What's wrong?"

"Nothing..."

"I can tell when your lying babe."

"Dean-"

"Cas," The protectiveness in Dean's voice was back. " What is it?

"It's just my back...."

Let me see." Cas reluctantly lifted up his shirt and Dean felt his heart sink as he tenderly reached up to trace the burn marks on Cas's back. "They couldn't fix this when you were in the hospital?"

"They said that they would eventually heal. It's no big deal Dean. Besides, that's more money and hospitals are expensive enough."

"I don't care," Dean murmured. "Just as long as your okay."

Cas blushed slightly.

"What happened?"

"They pushed me and I fell back against the stove..."

Dean reached up and tenderly touched Cas's back. " Oh babe....Does it hurt a lot?"

"Yeah," Dean went to pull his hand away but Cas spoke again. "But not when you touch it....I like that." Cas blushed again and Dean leaned in to kiss him.

"Kinky." Dean whispered with a smirk.

"Shut up." Cas said, pretending to be angry and shoving Dean away.

Dean pulled Cas back to him with a smile. "You should get some rest." Dean said, looking into Cas's eyes with concern.

Cas smiled shyly and reached up to touch Dean's cheek. "You're always worrying about me, it's sweet."

Dean looked down at the floor. "Well yeah...of course I worry about you."

"Thanks." Cas said softly, reaching up to plant a kiss on Dean's forehead.

Dean pulled Cas close and held him against his chest. He kissed the top of Cas's head before letting him go. "Okay mister,it's bedtime for you." Dean said sternly, nudging Cas towards the bedroom.

"You just want me in your bed." Cas said with a laugh.

"Nuh uh," Dean replied, pretending to be offended. "What would make you think that? I just don't want to deal with a cranky Cas in the morning." Cas rolled his eyes as Dean tucked the covers up around his chin.

Dean turned to go but Cas stopped him in his tracks. "Where do you think your going?"

"Um...probably watch some TV."

"Nope. If it's bedtime for me then it's bedtime for you too." Cas reached out and snagged Dean's wrist.

Dean laughed as Cas pulled him towards him and Dean finally collapsed against the bed. He crawled under the covers and hesitantly pulled Cas close. "Mmm." Cas murmured as he lay his head on Dean's chest and threw an arm across Dean's stomach.

Dean's grip on Cas tightened protectively and he let out a tiny sigh. "This okay?"

"Perfect," Cas whispered, kissing Dean's cheek. "It's all perfect."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Morning beautiful." Dean murmured as Cas's eyelids fluttered open.

"Mmm? Dean?"

"No, it's your knight in shining armor." Dean whispered with a soft smile. Cas let out a soft laugh and buried himself closer to Dean. "Come on," Dean said, poking Cas in the ribs with a smile. "You gotta get up for school."

Cas let out a moan that clearly stated that he was happy with that idea. "I just want to sleep Dean. How about I go back tomorrow?"

Dean let out a long sigh. He knew he didn't stand a chance, he'd always give in to Cas. "Fine, but no excuses tomorrow."

Cas let out a sigh of happiness as Dean ran his fingers through Cas's hair. "How about we just lie here forever?"

"I could go for that." Dean replied softly, kissing Cas's jawbone.

Cas smiled at the feeling of Dean lying next to him and let his eyes close once again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey lazy bones." Dean laughed as Cas stirred beside him.

Cas rubbed the sleep from his eyes and blinked. "What time is it?"

"Who cares? Late I think." Dean replied, running his hand up and down Cas's arm. "You feeling any better?"

"A little." Cas said, gingerly stretching his arms above his head.

Dean place his hands around the exposed part of Cas's stomach and pulled him closer to him. Dean's cell phone rang, loud and clear and Dean shoved his head under his pillow. "Shut up, I'm not going into work today." He mumbled, willing the ringing to stop.

"Dean, maybe you should. I'll be okay."

"Cas, that isn't even an option. Don't be stupid." Thankfully his phone fell silent. "I'm not leaving you alone."

"You can't just put your entire life on hold for me."

"Of course I can." Dean laughed as he kissed the back of Cas's neck. "Of course I would."

"No, you go back to work tomorrow." Cas argued.

"The day after."

"Ugh, fine." Cas kissed him back and Dean opened his eyes to find Castiel's bright blue eyes searching his.

Dean pulled Cas to him and ran his hand along the edge of Cas's t shirt. "I thought you were tired." He teased.

"Not anymore."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We should go get your stuff." Dean murmured as his fingers danced across Cas's stomach.

"I guess we should." Cas reluctantly agreed with a smile.

Dean threw Cas a clean set of clothes with a grin. "Hope you look good in plaid."

"I know you do."

Dean pulled Cas close and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. Cas grinned shyly as Dean grabbed his hand and led him out of the bedroom.

They arrived at Cas's house within minutes. Cas gripped Dean's hand as they walked up the front walkway. Dean opened the door and placed a hand on the small of Cas's back as they stepped inside.

Cas involuntarily flinched as they crossed the threshold and Dean moved his arm around Cas's waist. "Come on, we're going." He announced, turning back to the door.

"Dean-"

"Your obviously not comfortable here, so we're leaving-now."

"I'll just wait in the car." Cas reasoned, giving Dean a reassuring smile.

Dean searched his eyes cautiously before giving in. "Fine, I won't be too long."

Dean walked through the empty, quiet house and could practically feel the pain. Or maybe it was the thought of Cas sitting alone in the car. Whatever the reason was, Dean just wanted to hurry up and get this over with. He opened many doors before finding Cas's room. It was bare, but his bookshelf was filled with textbooks and binders. A shelf along the opposite wall held several model cars. There was a bed with a simple duvet and a closet and a dresser and that was it.

Dean started throwing binders and textbooks into a bag. He heard footsteps from behind him and whipped around. He couldn't help but smile softly when he saw Cas.

"I don't want to keep those." Cas laughed. He took a step towards Dean and was wrapped in a hug.

"I thought you were going to wait in the car." Dean murmured.

"Yeah, but I missed you. Plus, I knew that you'd suck at picking out what I wanted to keep." Cas knelt down and pulled out a small box from under his bed and cradled it to his chest. "Can you get the clothes?" He asked quietly.

Dean obliged but watched as Cas opened the box with a small smile. He finished emptying Cas's closet and hesitantly knelt down beside his boyfriend.

Cas pulled out a picture of his family smiled sadly.Then he pulled out a wad of cash and Dean's eyes widened.

Cas couldn't help but laugh at the expression on Dean's face. "I didn't get much, but I was pretty good at saving it."

Dean shook his head with a small smile.

Cas then pulled out a key and stood up, moving his dresser to the side effortlessly.

"Seriously,a secret compartment?" Dean asked.

"Yeah.." Cas seemed embarrassed as he opened the compartment and took out a few model cars.

"Did you make these?" Dean asked, inspecting a 1959 Ford.

Cas let out an awkward laugh. "Nuh uh,not me....Dad did actually. Well, before...." Cas searched through the compartment and found a 1967 Impala, laughing in astonishment. "God, I forgot I had this." He ran his hand over it with a small smile before placing it in Dean's hand. "Here, I want you to have this-"

"I can't Cas. It's yours, from your dad-"

"Exactly, it's mine. So I can give it to whoever I want, and I want to give it to you."

Dean admired it with a small smile. "Thanks Cas," He leaned over and kissed him softly. "I love it."

"I knew you would." Cas gently touched Dean's cheek. "Now let's get out of here.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know...I've been meaning to ask. I'd say that I keep forgetting but really I'm just afraid of the answer." Cas murmured as they drove him after getting some supper. "What's going to happen when I go to college?"

Dean bit his lip and looked over at Cas with pain in his eyes, internally debating what to say. "Well," He cleared his throat and squeezed Cas's hand. "I guess I'll follow you like a little lost puppy."

Cas smiled over at Dean. "Good, because Dean....I don't want to leave you. I don't want....to be without you...I'm scared....."

They pulled into Dean's driveway and he shut off the engine, plunging them into silence. "Damn it Cas, I don't want to be without you either." Dean whispered. "I've never been this....needy-dependent- for someone...."

Cas looked out the window with a hint of a smile. "Dean?"

Dean turned to face him hesitantly. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Dean smiled as he followed Cas out of the car. "I love you too." He whispered, unlocking the door as his heart soared.

"Dean..." Cas took a seat on the couch and seemed nervous, edgy. "I don't understand why I...my feelings...but I know I like this-being with you. I don't ever want to loose you. I....I have so many things I wish I could tell you, how happy you make me and how I absolutely love you...but I don't have any words."

Dean smiled and tenderly pulled him close. "Me too," He whispered, kissing Cas on the temple. "I can't even remember what I did without you, and babe, I promise you'll never loose me. And as for having no words....well I'm with you there, because that isn't just my thing but every chance I get I'll show you how much you mean to me babe. And I know I'm probably a really crappy boyfriend Cas, but....I'm going to try to never let you down or never let you feel alone. And I swear as long as you love me, I will never ever leave you babe. Okay?"

"Okay."


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you ever going to get out of bed or do I have to get some ice cubes?" Dean threatened, leaning down to shake Cas's shoulder.

"Go 'way," Cas mumbled, swatting at him tiredly. "I'm sleeping."

Dean laughed as he pulled Cas out of bed, who landed on the floor with a thump.

"Ugh, I hate you." Cas muttered, picking himself up and rubbing his eyes.

"No you don't." Dean smirked as he walked out to the kitchen.

"Sometimes I wish I could." Cas mumbled, staggering out to sit at the kitchen table. "Please tell me you have coffee."

"That I do." Dean smiled, placing a mug in front of him. "I completely understand your pain with mornings."

Cas mumbled something inaudible and took a sip of his coffee. "I freaking hate mornings."

"Hey,it's Friday." Dean pointed out, trying to be positive.

Cas rolled his eyes. "That helps so much."

Dean chuckled and poked Cas in the ribs. "I'm going to take a shower, make yourself comfortable."

Cas glared at Dean's retreating back and let out a long sigh as he downed the rest of his coffee and got another cup. He couldn't help but smile as he heard Dean's voice float from the bathroom, singing along to AC DC with enthusiasm unbelievable this early in the morning.

Dean emerged later and pushed Cas towards the bathroom. "Hurry up, don't want Mr. College Bound to be late." Cas rolled his eyes but gave Dean a quick kiss before closing the door. "Well that's better." Dean murmured and from the other side of the door Cas heard him and smiled.

Dean was talking on the phone when Cas emerged and he remained quiet, not wanting to interrupt. "Hey." Dean said as he set the phone down.

"Hey." Cas responded with a small smile.

"Well I'm glad your in a better mood now." Dean smirked as he handed Cas his trench coat. "Let's go. We'll stop to get some breakfast on the way."

"Do you even know how to use a stove?" Cas quipped as he slid in the passenger seat.

"Yes." Dean replied, feigning hurt.

Cas shook his head with a small smile. "Sure, I totally believe that."

Dean gave him a determined look. "Okay mister you think you cook a hell of a lot better than me. I bet you can't cook either."

Cas smile down at his feet. "Is that a challenge I hear?"

"Damn right."

Cas grinned victoriously. "Fine, but be prepared to loose."

Dean let out a snort of laughter. "Your pretty sure of yourself there buddy."

"Damn right." Cas responded, ducking when Dean went to swat him.

"It's on." Dean said, giving Cas a confident grin. "I'll go easy on you when you fail helplessly."

"Yeah right, you wish."

Dean pulled into the diner parking lot and hopped out. "I'll be right back."

"No you don't." Cas interrupted as he followed him. "You might get some help from Ellen or Jo or something."

Dean rolled his eyes in response.

"Morning." Ellen called, smiling at both of them. "Breakfast?"

"Yeah, but we gotta hit the road." Dean said, jerking his thumb towards Cas. "Can't have mister goody two shoes being late-"

Cas punched his on the arm with a smile. "Shut up."

Ellen let out a little laugh as she disappeared around back.

"So Ellen, can Dean cook?" Cas asked, hiding his smirk from Dean.

"Cheater." Dean muttered under his breath.

"Why do you think he's always in here sweetie?" Ellen laughed. "That boy couldn't even boil water if his life depended on it."

Cas grinned victoriously as Dean glared at him. "You are a dirty, deceiving cheater." He muttered. 

Cas grinned up at him innocently. "Just checking out my competition."

"Yeah, but I don't have any information on you, not fair." Dean complained with a pout. 

Cas shrugged his shoulders as he sat on a stool. "Now that's not my problem, is it?" His eyes sparkled and Dean detected a mischievousness in those eyes. 

"You play dirty," Dean murmured as he leaned down to kiss him. "I like it." 

Cas blushed as Ellen reappeared with their food.

"Actually, we're going to eat here." Cas said, causing Dean to roll his eyes again. 

"Fine, but no more interrogating her about my cooking skills." 

"Deal," Cas smiled. "I already know I'm going to beat you."

"So?" Ellen asked as she leaned on the counter. "You two going to explain that to me?" 

"Dean thinks he can cook better than me." Cas explained with a smug grin. 

Ellen gave Dean a sad look. "Your toast Dean, anybody could cook better than you."

"Thanks for the positiveencouragement." Dean smirked as he finished and stood up. "Always great to know that someone believes in me."

"Oh, I believe in you Dean, just not your cooking." Jo piped up as she walked by and ruffled Dean's hair.

Cas let out a snort of laughter at Jo's comment and stood up, giving Ellen a wide smile. "Thanks Ellen."

"See ya." She called. "Let me know how it turns out, although we already know." 

Dean gave Cas a small frown as he started the car, causing Cas to giggle. "Aww, look, he's pouting already." 

"Shut up." Dean replied with smile.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We should stop at a grocery store." Cas suggested on their way home. "You don't even have anything in that apartment to cook with."

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled into a parking space. "Get some pie."

Cas rolled his eyes right back at Dean as he stepped out of the car. "Your a walking heart attack."

Dean stuck out his tongue playfully, causing the tips of Cas's ears to turn bright red.

It wasn't long when Cas returned, his arms laden with grocery bags. "I honestly don't know if I've ever bought that much food in my life." Dean admitted with a laugh. Cas just shook his head. "You get pie?" Dean asked hopefully.

Cas laughed. "Yeah, your welcome."

Dean took Cas's hand with a smile. "Your pretty."

"Shut up you," Cas smiled shyly. "Sucking up won't help any."

"I can totally bribe you though, right?"

"Nice try." Cas chuckled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

They pulled into the driveway and Cas jumped out. Dean unlocked the door slowly, laughing at Cas's impatience.

Cas dropped his packages on the kitchen table and quickly shooed Dean away. "Okay, out."

"No way I'm leaving." Dean stood his ground. "The second I leave you'll call some fancy restaurant for delivery."

"Hey," Cas complained, placing his hands on his hips to show he was offended. "I would not-"

"I wouldn't put it past you." Dean smirked as Cas threw an oven mitt at him.

"Well you can't stand over my shoulder either, so go do something." Cas instructed.

"Nervous, nervous, nervous." Dean clucked his tongue and walked up behind Cas, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You just don't want me to see how badly you are going to fail."

"Will you just-!" Cas shoved him away with a playful smile. "You'll be eating your words."

"Better than eating your cooking."

"That's it!" Dean laughed as Cas exploded and threw a cookbook at him. "Out! Out! Out!"

Dean laughed as he went into the living room and turned on his cassette player. He watched Cas from around the corner. "I hate you." Cas muttered. "And you might want to find a better hiding spot, I can see you."

Dean ducked back around the corner and smiled to himself. "Love you."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Hey, I'd rather fuck you."

"Eat your friggin pie!"

The pie container came flying from the other room and Dean caught it easily. "Thanks."

"Shut up."

"Just don't cut a finger off or anything. I really don't want to have to drive you to the emergency room."

Cas stormed into the room, trying to hide his smile. He tossed Dean his car keys. "Out." He pointed to the door and grabbed a hold of Dean's shirt to drag him off the couch. Dean leaned in and gave Cas a kiss on the forehead. "Out." Cas repeated, giving him a gentle shove.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Something smells good," Dean said as he opened the front door and kicked off his boots. "I must have the wrong apartment."

Cas appeared in the hallway, his arms folded but a soft smile on his face. "Nice timing, I was just about to call you."

Dean shrugged off his jacket and cocked his head to look at Cas. "So, it's not too late to admit you were wrong."

"Shut up." Cas said, sliding his arms around Dean's waist for a split second before shoving him towards the kitchen.

Dean took a seat and looked impressed as Cas handed him a plate.

Dean hesitantly took a bite and couldn't contain his smile. "Damn," He murmured once he swallowed. "Well, I lost that one."

"Told you." Cas said victoriously, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

Dean rolled his eyes and cleaned his plate with a smile. "Alright, I'm never going to challenge your cooking skills again."

"Good idea." Cas murmured as he pulled Dean up into his arms.

"Can I call you chef Cas now?"

"Shut up, no!" Cas swatted his arms away and blushed. "I think someone deserves an apology."

"Exactly, I'm waiting." Dean smirked. Cas let out a humph and Dean kissed him gently. "Alright, I'm sorry Cas. I sure as hell won't ever challenge your cooking skills again."

"Good." Cas murmured, smiling as he kissed Dean back. "Glad I proved my point."

"Mmm, so what should we do tonight?" Dean asked softly, letting Cas linger in his arms.

"Falls?"

Dean felt a small smile tug at his lips. "I like the way you think."

Cas gave him a quick kiss before he threw Dean his leather jacket.

Dean caught it with a grin and followed Cas outside where it was getting dark. "You look even prettier in the moonlight," Dean murmered as they turned down the road. "It kind of hides your face-"

"Hey!" Cas poked him in the chest. "Don't be mean." Dean laughed softly at Cas's fake anger. "Maybe I'll sabotage your car." Cas teased with a straight face.

"You wouldn't dare."

Cas shrugged his shoulders with a sly smile. "Whatever you think."

They bumped to a stop and Cas was the first one out of the car. Running, flying it seemed, across the sand and pebbles, his trench coat billowing out behind him like a superhero cape. Dean shook his head with a smile smile before closing the door and following.

Soon, he'd lost track of Cas in the dark and he turned in a circle worriedly. "Cas?"

"Hey." Cas's face appeared from behind a tree and Dean almost had a heart attack.

"Jesus!" He muttered. "Don't do that."

"Look what I found." Cas whispered, slightly opening his hands so Dean could see the faint glow.

"Is that a firefly?"

"Yup," Cas's eyes sparkles with a childlike happiness. "Here." He carefully transferred the firefly into Dean's hands.

"Uh...thanks." Dean said with an awkward laugh. He watched the flickering glow from between his fingers as Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.

"I caught a firefly once when I was a kid. You know, in one of those glass jars. Every night I'd just sit and watch that glow of light in the dark. I always thought they were the coolest creatures."

Dean released the firefly and they both watched as it flew up to it's twinkling friends.

"So," Dean started, taking Cas's hand and walking along the edge of the water. "What's a guy like you doing with a guy like me?"

"I don't know, I ask myself that question all the time. Cas's face crinkled in a smile as he brushed their shoulders together. "Just love I guess."

Dean smiled into the darkness and squeezed Cas's hand. "Not afraid of a bad boy like me?"

"Not at all." Cas replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Maybe I'm a bad boy too."

Dean laughed aloud at this. "God, I love you."

They walked over to the car and Dean pulled a beer out of the cooler. "Want one?" Cas grabbed the beer out of Dean's hands with a sly smile.

Dean grabbed another and sat on the impalas hood, Cas crawling in beside him. "I thought you didn't like alcohol." Dean said curiously.

"I'm a bad boy, remember?" Cas said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, your a total rebel alright. Underage drinking and skipping classes, they better watch out for you." Dean teased.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I love you." Cas murmured, his voice slightly slurred and wobbly.

"Oh God, are you drunk?" Dean asked, trying to hold in his laughter. "Jesus Cas, it was only one beer." "I love you,"

Cas said again,moving closer to Dean. "I love you Dean. I'd follow you anywhere. I'd do anything for you. We should leave here, run away to anywhere."

"You are so smashed." Dean laughed, pulling Cas against him.

"We should run away and elope. Screw school, screw life, I just want you."

Dean was startled for a second but placed a gentle kiss on Cas's temple. Inside, he was just dying for that. To just forget everything and spend ever day with Cas. However,it was just a simple fantasy, one Dean knew would never happen. "I'd love that." He murmured quietly.

"Then let's go." Cas said, his voice full of enthusiasm and hope.

"Cas, we can't. I mean, you have school-"

"I don't care about that Dean."

"You say that now, but later it'll be different-"

"No it won't."

"Yeah, it will Cas. I know you, sooner or later that goody two shoes instinct is going to kick in."

"But I love you." Cas whispered, his voice threatening tears.

"Hey, I love you too Cas." Dean murmured. Cas let out a content sigh. Dean smiled gently and traced Cas's cheekbone with his thumb. "God, only you could get drunk on one beer."

"I'm not drunk." Cas protested but with little conviction.

"Yeah, sure." Dean laughed. "Come on, I think it's time for you to sleep this one off."

Cas groaned as Dean shifted and stood up. "Dean."

"Come on Cas." Dean said, trying to hide another smirk.

"Can we at least go for another walk?" Dean reluctantly took Cas's hand, causing him to grin. "You know," Cas said wistfully. "I'd love to live out here. We should build a place out here, buy the land...."

"You say that like we're going to be together forever."

The words were like a stab in the heart for both of them. Dean immediately wanted to take it back. He knew what it sounded like and it wasn't like that at all.

"I'm sorry." Cas apologized quickly, wrapping his arms around himself and looking at the ground.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that Cas. I just...it's nice to have an optimistic outlook for once. It seems that my relationships never last very long..."

"Maybe I'll be the exception." Cas's voice quavered and Dean hated that he'd hurt him.

"I hope so."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey."

Cas grunted and rolled over, blinking his eyes against the sunlight. The room came into view and he recognized Dean standing over him in his work clothes. "Oh, hey." He said sleepily, feeling slightly disappointed. "Is it Saturday already?"

"Sorry, your the one who told me to go back to work."

"No, I mean I know, it's alright."

"You sure your going to be okay?"

"Why are you so afraid of leaving me alone Dean?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Don't answer the door. I'll lock it and have my key. Don't answer the phone either. If someone wants to get a hold of me bad enough they can leave a message or call my cell."

Cas slowly threw the covers back and crawled out of bed.

"How you feeling?"

"Actually, not that bad." Cas said. "Little bit of a headache, but I'm mostly just tired."

"Well it was pretty late when we got in last night. You can go back to sleep if you want. I just thought I'd tell you I was heading out."

"I'll miss you."

Dean wordlessly wrapped his arms around Cas in a hug. "I'll miss you too Cas. Damn it,I'll be worrying about you every second."

"I'll be fine." Cas said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Okay. Well there's TV, or my laptop, just no porn, I'll be home soon enough."

Cas couldn't help but laugh as Dean gave him a kiss. Dean gave him another soft smile before closing the door. Cas collapsed back on the bed, feeling like it was going to be quite a long day.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was two pm by the time Cas got up again, this time for good. He trudged out to the kitchen in his t shirt and boxers and couldn't help but notice it was eerily quiet without Dean. He put in a Foreigner cassette and plopped down on the couch. He flicked on the TV and channel surfed with no luck before deciding to take a shower.

When he emerged he noticed the cassette had ended and replaced it. He turned on Dean's laptop and surfed the web aimlessly until he heard a key turn in the lock.

Dean appeared in the hallway and Cas unconsciously smiled. "Dean."

"Hey Cas." Dean sat beside him on the couch and Cas leaned into him. "So you didn't die or anything."

"Yeah," Cas agreed. "Your always worrying about me for no reason."

"Shush you." Dean kissed the top of Cas's head and walked to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

"Well I'll say this. You sure look better once your cleaned up." Cas laughed when Dean emerged

Dean rolled his eyes and brushed his hand against Cas's hand as he walked by. "So what should we do?" He asked, grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

Cas shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever you want to."

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Dean announced.

"What else is new?" Cas asked with a playful smirk.

"Shut up you." Cas grinned successfully as Dean flickered the beer cap at him. Cas caught it and tossed it back smoothly with a smug grin. "Show off." Dean muttered, grabbing his car keys.

Cas trotted after him and hopped into the car. He put in a Boston cassette and leaned back to enjoy the ride.

They veered into the theater parking lot and Cas's head popped up curiously. "Wanna see a movie?" Dean asked with a cute grin.

"Ah, sure." Cas replied, but he was nervous. They weren't out together in public frequently and Cas wasn't sure of what anyone would say.

Dean grabbed Cas's hand and pulled him along beside him. "So what do you want to see?"

"Your the one who wanted to see a movie."

"Well, if we see a horror movie, it gives me extra reason to hold you." Dean said with a sly smirk.

Cas blushed to the tips of his ears but smiled. "Sound's good to me."

They bought their tickets and popcorn and settled down in the empty theater.

"Well, it's really busy tonight, isn't it?" Cas deadpanned.

"Great, that probably means it's a crappy movie."Dean complained and put his arm around Cas.

"Hey, who says you were going to pay attention to the movie anyway?" Cas asked with a shy grin.

"Mmm, good point."

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Ellen." Dean smiled as they entered the diner.

"Dean and Cas! Gosh, I haven't seen you two in forever."

"It was only a couple of days Ellen." Dean gave a gentle shake of his head and smiled.

"Well it seemed like forever." Ellen replied with an embarrassed smile. She handed them their food. "So, where have you two been?"

"Well, Cas can cook." Dean said with a slight grudge in his voice.

"Good," Ellen announced. "It'll be good for you to get some healthy home cooking for a change instead of this crap all the time. I mean, I know you like it, but it just isn't healthy Dean." Dean gave a slight roll of his eyes and took a giant bite of his burger.

"Don't worry," Cas piped up. "I'm slowly weaning him off this stuff. It might kill your business though, sorry."

"It just might." Ellen laughed and took off for the counter.

"So what now?" Dean asked as they finished.

Cas surveyed Dean carefully. "Nothing," He said finally. "Dean, your dead tired. You don't have to do stuff just for me. I think you need some rest."

"Are you trying to get me in bed with you?" Dean asked, a mischievous look in his eye.

Cas rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh and stood up. "See ya Ellen."

"See ya sweetie, take care of yourselves."

"Will do." Dean steered Cas out of the diner and plopped down in the drivers seat with a sigh.

"Hey," Cas said softly, placing a hand on Dean's knee. "Seriously, I'm getting concerned about you, you need some rest Dean."

"But-"

"Dean, I'm fine. Hell, I've done nothing all day and I'm exhausted. I can only imagine how you feel."

"Your just saying that," Dean replied knowingly. "It's Saturday night-"

"And your going to spend it sleeping mister." Cas said sternly.

"But you-"

"I got some homework."

Dean let out a snort. "Of course you would spend Saturday night doing homework."

Cas gave him a bashful smile. " Shut up and drive."


	12. Chapter 12

"This is a God damn tease of what's to come." Dean muttered as he left his leather jacket in the car.

Cas let out a giggle and smiled. "I agree. Bet you tomorrow it'll be cold and raining."

"Frigging weather." Dean muttered, grabbing a beer and pointedly not offering Cas one.

Cas took a seat on the rock, their rock, and Dean followed him, smiling as the sun hit his face. "This is nice." Dean murmured.

Cas snuggled up next to him and Dean kissed his temple. "This is even better." Cas looked out at the water with a faint smile. "Did you ever finish Sam's mustang?"

"Yeah, actually." Dean said, shifting slightly to wrap his free arm around Cas. "I was going to talk to you about that. Sammy's birthday is in a few days and I wanted to know if...you'd want to come. I mean, it won't be much, he's having his party with his friends or whatever later, but we always do a little thing with the family."

Cas gave him a nervous smile. "Are you trying to get me to meet your parents?"

"Maybe," Dean murmured slyly. "But I mostly just want you there."

"Well I guess I have to say yes then, don't I?" Cas gave him another nervous smile.

"Sammy always get's to bring Jessica, his girlfriend, so I'm bringing you." Dean said with a small smile. "I'm always the awkward one out, the lone one, and it pretty much sucks."

Cas shook his head. "You know how to play my heartstrings, don't you? Let's have a pity party for Dean."

"So I convinced you?" Dean asked, causing Cas to snort. "So is that a yes?" Dean pressed.

Cas shook his head with a faint smile. "It's a yes."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know," Dean said, glancing lazily over at Cas. "We never did jump."

"Jump?" Cas asked absently.

"That day we were going to go swimming. We said we'd jump in together but we never did." Cas smiled as Dean rolled over to him and kissed him playfully. "Do you want to go swimming?"

"Hell yeah." Cas grinned.

They leaped up and went running across the sand holding hands like a pair of love stricken teenagers, which they were in a way.

Dean picked Cas up by the waters edge and spun him around, causing Cas to cry out with laughter. He smiled as he set Cas back down and took his hand. Cas hesitantly placed his hands on the edge of Dean's t shirt and lifted it off of him, smiling deviously. Dean asked the silent question and after a slight nod from Cas he gently stripped Cas of his shirt. He held in his gasp and felt his anger rise at the mess of Cas's body. He gently reached out and traced a scar that ran from his bellybutton to the edge of his jeans. Dean gulped his anger back down, determined to just enjoy his time with Cas.

Dean took Cas's hand with a wide smile and pulled Cas close for few precious seconds before sprinting and launching himself into the water, Cas clutching his hand wildly.

They floated to the surface sputtering and laughing.

Dean pulled Cas to him with a soft smile. "That's better." He whispered, reaching up to push Cas's hair away from his forehead. Dean moved to give Cas a kiss but Cas dunked him underwater and swam away. Dean resurfaced and gave Cas a playful smile. "Well if you want to play that way." He pulled Cas underwater by his feet but Cas somehow squirmed away and splashed his way to the shore. Cas plopped down on a rock and Dean lay down next to him. "I love you." Dean whispered, leaning over and tenderly kissing a bruise on Cas's neck.

Cas smiled and pulled Dean closer to him, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you too Dean, more than you'll ever know."

Dean wrapped an arm around Cas and pulled him closer, letting his eyes close as he listened to the rhythmic breathing of Cas next to him.

"You know, wet jeans are really uncomfortable." Cas muttered as he shifted slightly.

"Maybe next time we should bring swimming trunks."

"Ya think?" Cas asked with a laugh.

"Or," Dean suggested, smiling wickedly. "We could just go skinny dipping."

Cas rolled his eyes and tried not to smirk. He let out a small sigh and looked up at the blue sky. "Just think, once school ends we'll be able to come out here all the time...."

"I can't wait." Dean agreed quietly.

They lay there in a content silence for sometime, drying off in the sun.

"We should totally go exploring." Dean said.

"Exploring? What are you, six?"

"No, I'm 4." Dean replied in a child's voice.

Cas laughed and took Dean's hand as they made their way over to the thicket of trees.

"I've always wondered what was in here."

"Um, maybe trees?" Cas replied, trying to hold in his smirk.

Dean playfully shoved him away. "Oh shut up."

Cas took Dean's hand again as they walked through the trees, the sunlight filtering through the canopy overhead. "It's so pretty down here, it makes me want to get into photography."

"Photography huh?" Dean teased.

"Shut up you pervert. You have such a sick mind." Cas muttered with a smile. Dean picked up a stick and poked Cas in the leg. "Jesus Christ, no wonder your relationships never last, your always picking on people." Cas laughed, snapping the stick in half and throwing it away.

Dean shrugged his shoulders as a painful grimace flickered across his face.

"Sorry, that was a real dick move."

"Nah, it's alright." Dean said, kicking a pine cone along with his foot. "Is it weird?" He asked finally. "Not being around your dad and stuff I mean."

"Honestly, a little. I keep thinking I'm going to have to go home and deal with his wrath...but then it kicks in that I won't have to deal with him again and...it's nice." Cas gave Dean a cute, lopsided grin.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist. "I think it's nice too."

Cas giggled. "Your just glad I'm around for when you wanna screw me."

"No!" Dean protested. "But that is a bonus." He winked over at Cas.

Cas stumbled wobbly as he became lightheaded but Dean caught him.

"Hey, you okay?" Dean asked Cas with concern.

"Yeah," Cas mumbled, his head clearing. "I'm good, sorry about that." Dean was still looking at him worriedly so Cas kissed the tip of his nose. "I'm fine, seriously."

"Too bad you didn't fall. Then I could say you fell head over heels for me." Dean said with a playful smile.

"Shut up," Cas smiled. "But I did, head over heels and then off a cliff and there you were at the bottom."

"Jeez, sounds pretty painful." Dean laughed, tracing the exposed scar on the small of Cas's back.

"Hey." Cas giggled, pulling his shirt down with an embarrassed smile.

"Still so shy and embarrassed, damn is it ever cute." Dean murmured. Cas blushed and Dean couldn't help but laugh. "God, I love you."

Cas blushed even more and stared down at the ground. "I love you too Dean."

"Good," Dean smirked. "Then you can't stay angry with me, right?" He scooped Cas up in his arms and ran towards the water.

"No Dean! Don't you dare!" Cas shouted, flailing his arms and legs wildly. "Dean!" He squealed as he fell into the water with a splash.

Cas popped to the surface and glared at Dean who was laughing on the shore. "Dean!" Cas roared and went sprinting across the ground. "Damn it Dean, I already went swimming!"

By this time Dean was bent over with laughter. He moved out of the way of Cas's tackle, causing Cas to crash to the ground.

"Damn it Dean." Cas growled as he rubbed his jaw.

Dean laughed as she helped Cas up and kissed him. "Come on, don't be angry with me."

"Damn it, sometimes I wish I could hate you." Cas laughed, hugging Dean tightly and pressing his wet clothing against Dean.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean muttered as his shirt and jeans became wet.

Cas grinned and spun around enthusiastically, sending droplets of water flying everywhere.

"Got it all out of your system?" Dean asked gruffly as he wiped his forehead.

"Nope." Cas grinned, pulling Dean close and twirling around before they tumbled to the ground.

Dean sighed as he grabbed Cas's hand while they lie in the grass. He looked over at Cas and shook his head with a heartfelt smile. "How can people not love you?"

"Because they don't know me, I'm very mysterious." Cas waggled his eyebrows, causing Dean to laugh.

"Well I like it." Dean murmured, kissing him on the temple.

"Glad you do." Cas blushed slightly and lay his head on Dean's chest. Dean ran his hand through Cas's hair lazily as the sun began to set. "Damn," Cas muttered. "I didn't want today to end."

"Me either." Dean admitted with a shy smile.

"But we have tomorrow and the next day and a damn long time, so that makes it a little better."

"Mm mm."

"Just a few more months." Cas's voice was filled with hope and longing. "Then we'll be out of school and-"

"Have all summer to do nothing." Dean smiled.

"A whole summer with you...it sounds like heaven."

"As long as I'm with you it's already heaven."

Cas blushed and smiled shyly. "Dean, that's so sweet." He kissed Dean's forehead and let his hand linger on Dean's cheek. "But it's damn true."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey beautiful." Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas with a smile.

"Hey," Cas replied, putting his messenger bag on his other shoulder and leaning into Dean. They walked down the empty hallway and into the parking lot. "You work today, don't you?"

"Damn it, how'd you know that?" Dean asked, bumping their shoulders together.

"From the way you were acting I guess..."

Dean opened Cas's door for him and leaned and kissed him. "Well I sure as hell would rather spend that time with you."

"So would I." Cas smiled and pushed Dean over to his door.

Dean slid into his seat and pulled out of the parking lot, taking Cas's hand gently. "I'm sorry."

"Dean, it's fine. You can't stay around babysitting me 24/7. I don't need a babysitter anyway."

Dean gave a little shake of his head before smiling over at Cas.

Cas smiled back wordlessly and felt his heart flip again. It was odd, even after all this time, Dean could still do the simplest things and make Cas feel newly in love all over again.

"How many days until school is over?" Dean asked wistfully, running his thumb along Cas's hand.

"33." Cas replied almost instantly, not realizing it was a rhetorical question.

Dean looked over at Cas and slowly smiled. "That seems too damn long."

"I know." Cas agreed, letting out a long sigh.

They arrived at Dean's apartment and headed inside. Cas dropped his messenger bag by the door and sank down onto the couch. "Dean?" He called.

Dean stuck his head out of the bathroom. "Yeah?"

Cas was suddenly nervous. "Nothing, never mind."

Dean reappeared later and sat down next to Cas on the couch. "So, what was that about?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing." Cas blushed.

"Come on." Dean coaxed, running his finger up Cas's arm.

"Go to work," Cas instructed, shoving Dean away with a small smile. "I'll see you later."

"Mmm." Dean kissed Cas tenderly and smiled. "Maybe sooner rather than later?"

Cas laughed and pushed Dean towards the door.

"You sure your going to be-"

"Dean, I'll be fine."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cas? Hey Cas?" Dean could hear Zeppelin playing and smiled to himself, it was their song.

Dean stepped into the living room and it was then slow motion ensued.

His car keys fell to the floor with a gentle clang but he didn't notice as he fell to the floor in front of the slumped body.

"Cas!" He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe.

"Cas!" He checked Cas's pulse and shook his shoulder, hoping to God he was only sleeping. There was no response.

"Castiel!" It came out a moan and it seemed hours for Dean to dig out his cell phone and dial 911.

He let his phone drop to the floor once the operator had said an ambulance was on it's way and took Cas's head in his lap, Cas's head rolling in a way that made Dean's stomach clench.

He felt reality begin to slip away so he ran his hand through Cas's hair.

It all seemed too much, even breathing seemed too much of an effort.

There were sirens in the distance and and Dean gave a shudder of breath. "Okay, it's okay. Your going to be okay." He reminded himself, feeling a little lightheaded. "Your going to be okay Cas."


	13. Chapter 13

From then on it was a blur. The paramedics arrived and everything then on was fuzzy. Hell, it was all just a blur and this, the waiting, the pain of not knowing. He wished this could seem less real. He remembered the horror and the way Cas's hand felt unnaturally still when he held it on the way to the hospital and the fear and the....

"Dean?"

"Sammy." Dean looked up as Sam wrapped him in a hug. Sam was the one thing he could count on. When everything else was crumbling around him, Sam was home. Not his mom, or his dad, but his brother.

"Hey," Sam said softly pulling away from Dean and leaning against the wall. "How's he doing?"

Dean took a deep breath. "From what I got....pretty bad. They are going to give it a few hours to see if he'll wake up so the cops can get their statement. If not, heck, even if he does, they talked about putting him in an induced coma, they said it might help him heal."

"Dean-"

"Don't tell me it's going to be alright Sammy. Don't tell me he'll get better, I don't want to hear it...I don't want some false happiness. I don't want to be lied to."

"I wasn't going to." Sam said honestly. "I wouldn't want to fill you with false hope, but Dean, I do know he's in the best place he could be and they are going to do everything they can for him."

"I know," Dean smiled halfheartedly. "That's why I called you...I....I couldn't be alone....." Dean scuffed his shoe along the floor. "Sammy," His voice was wobbly,breaking, close to going over the edge. "I'm scared."

"I know you are." Sam said quietly, giving him an empathetic look. "I could only imagine how I'd feel if this happened to Jess."

"Damn it, I need him."

Sam moved and gave him another hug. "I know you do Dean and I'm sorry. It must be damn hard, but you just need to take it one day at a time. Cas knows you love him, he won't give up easily. Neither will you, I know you'll be there next to him until his last breath or the day he walks out of here."

Dean clenched his jaw and pulled away, giving Sam a tight smile. His mind and heart were reeling and he felt numb. Like he was disconnected from his body. Like all this was happening to another person. "I think I just need some space." Dean whispered, taking off down the hallway.

He did need some space, from everything. It was times like this he wished he couldn't feel a thing at all. He stood outside Cas's door but didn't look in, he couldn't. Instead, he leaned his forehead against the cool door and took a deep breath. He tried to hold onto the memories he had, because when it came right down to it, they might be all he had left.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Dean started the car and traveling riverside blues filled their ears._

_Cas grinned widely, he was so caught up in the moment he let his guard down. "God, I love this song."_

_Dean looked over at him and smiled. " A Zeppelin fan and you like my car too? Maybe your alright after all."_

_Cas felt an immense happiness and smiled shyly as he pawned through the box of cassettes Dean had given him. "Cassettes are so under appreciated these days." Cas said, sliding an AC DC cassette into the player._

_"Maybe your not the weird nerd I thought you were." Dean said, nodding in appreciation of Cas's music choice._

_"Maybe your not the I don't give a crap about anything jerk I thought you were." Cas whispered, too low for Dean to hear._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"What...What's going to happen when I go to college?"_

_Dean bit his lip and looked over at Cas with pain in his eyes. He was debating eternally what to say. "Well," He cleared his throat and squeezed Cas's hand. "I guess I'll follow you like a little lost puppy."_

_Cas smiled over at Dean. "Good, because Dean....I don't want to leave you. I don't want to be without you...I'm scared."_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Come on, hand it over." Dean said, holding out his hand until Cas handed Dean his trench coat. "There," Dean said as he hung both coats on the coat rack in the hallway. "Now it is home."_

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually Dean did open that door. He  even worked up the courage to step inside. He saw Cas lying there so still-so peaceful-. If you ignored the machines it was almost as if Cas were just sleeping.

Dean pulled up a chair by Cas's bedside and took Cas's limp hand in his own. Memories seemed to come out of nowhere, swamping him, no-bombarding him-. "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing." He murmured, his eyes filling with tears.

"Dean," Sam called, poking his head around the door. "Visiting hours are over."

Dean looked at his brother with shock and outrage. "You expect me to leave him? I can't!"

"Dean, I know you want to stay with him, but it won't help either of you. You need to get home, get some sleep."

Dean looked at Cas's still form with soft eyes. "But-"

"Please Dean." Sam pleaded. "You can be here first thing in the morning, I promise." Dean bit his lip and looked at Cas in his bed. "Dean, he would want you to. He wouldn't want you to worry yourself sick about him, now would he?"

"Shut up, you don't know Cas." But what his brother had said was true. Cas had the kindest heart and soul. He always looked out for other people before himself. Dean leaned down and gave Cas a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be back, I promise. But I better leave now before Sammy tries to drag me out of here, literally." He paused and watched the rising and falling of Cas's chest. "I love you." Dean hurried out and was sitting in the impala by the time Sam caught up.

Sam gave him a concerned look but kept quiet until they pulled up in front of their parents house.

"Thanks Sammy." Dean said quietly.

"Dean, are you sure you're going to be alright man? I can stay at your place tonight if you want."

"Nah, I'm good....thanks anyway." Dean gave him the only smile he could muster. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone else in his apartment with him, all he wanted was Cas.

"Alright." Sam replied, getting out and closing the door quietly. "Call me if you need anything and hey, get some sleep Dean. Your no good to anyone burnt out."

He didn't sleep though. Hell, he didn't even want to go back to his apartment. He knew he would see Cas's jacket still hung up next to his. Or see some of Cas's clothes or textbooks and loose it.

He did go back to his apartment though, he had to. He hurried through the door, lowering his head so he didn't see something that would cause him to completely come undone. He unplugged his cassette player and hurried back out, not even bothering to lock the door behind him. He drove around aimlessly for the rest of the night, just waiting for the sun to rise.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Cas." Dean whispered softly. "I brought you something." He found an unoccupied electrical outlet and plugged in his cassette player. He put in a Zeppelin cassette and reached out to touch Cas's cheek.

"Dean?" Dean turned around and spotted Dr. Wright standing in the doorway. "May I speak with you?"

Dean followed him out into the hallway wordlessly.

"I was hoping I'd see you today. Cas seems to be progressing quite well and all signs point to him waking up soon." Dean started to grin widely and the doctor hurried on. "Now, I don't want to get your hopes up. Remember, just because he's conscious....well, it at least will give us a better understanding of his condition, but that doesn't necessarily mean....Dean, I just want to warn you that Cas might not-"

"He'll be fine." Dean said, his voice hard and pushed past the doctor to get to Cas's room. He stopped mid step when he saw Cas's blue eyes looking up at him with love.

"Zeppelin, I approve." Cas smiled weakly.

"Cas," Dean breathed. "Damn it, Cas. I-"

Two uniformed officers barged past Dean and into Cas's room. "Sorry sir, but we need a statement. The nurses alerted us that he had regained consciousness."

Dean gave Cas a soft smile before he, not very happily, left the room and waited in the hallway.

Finally, much too later it seemed, the officers exited Cas's room and motioned for Dean to go inside. "Hey," Dean smiled compassionately and retook his seat. He tenderly reached up and brushed a stray strand of hair off Cas's forehead.

"Dean...thanks for the music." Cas smiled that cute lopsided grin of his.

"Damn it, I'm just so glad your okay." Dean softly traced circles on Cas's arm before awkwardly letting his hand drop. Cas smiled shyly and put Dean's hand back on his arm. "So....what happened?" Dean asked quietly. "Damn it Cas, I came in and you were just slouched there-" Dean took a deep breath. "Jesus Cas."

The silence was deafening.

Cas seemed to choose his words carefully before responding. "I'm sorry-"

"Damn it, this isn't your fault Cas." Dean half laughed, half cried. "I...I was worried about you."

Cas looked up at the ceiling. "I really shouldn't tell you you know, all that anger....To be honest, I don't remember much. It all kind of blurred together,I was just sitting there watching some crap documentary on...I don't even remember actually." Cas and Dean both let out a little laugh. "Then dad, he was there and-"

"Damn it, I told you not to answer the door!"

"I didn't Dean, I swear. I think he picked the lock or something. It was horrible Dean...the horror when I saw him...part of me hoped he'd just hurry up and kill me to get it over with-"

"Cas!"

"I'm sorry Dean."

Dean took Cas's hand and squeezed it.

"It wasn't even that bad at first, at least until I started struggling...damn it Dean, he had these pills and all I could think of was mom!-" Cas broke off into a sob and Dean gently ran a hand through Cas's hair, kissing his forehead gently.

"Shh." Dean murmured, hugging his boyfriend.

"And you know what I though? The first thing I thought was how I'd let you down-"

"Hey," Dean looked into Cas's eyes and tried to smile. "You didn't let me down, don't ever say that again."

Cas searched Dean's eyes wordlessly before looking away.

"You know what really gets me? That your dad was locked up, I never told you because I didn't want to hurt you but damn it! How could he just break out? Him being away was supposed to keep you safe." Dean's voice dropped. "That's all I ever wanted, but....it didn't keep you safe, I'm sorry."

"Hey," Cas delicately placed his hand on Dean's cheek. "Just forget about it, okay?"

Dean shook his head furiously. "Not this again Cas. Damn it, I can't just forget about it!"

"Then can we at least change the subject?" Cas asked with a timid smile.

"Sure," Dean said with a fake smile. "Nice weather huh?"

Cas leaned over to playfully punch Dean but didn't have the strength. "Punch yourself Dean."

Dean laughed and intertwined their fingers. "Not gonna happen."

"I'm sorry sir, but visiting hours are now over." Dean resisted to glare over at the nurse who had stuck her head around the door and instead nodded.

"It seems like I just got here." Dean murmured, trying to commit Castiel's indescribable blue eyes to memory. "I love you." He whispered, kissing Cas gently on the lips. "I'll be back tomorrow, promise."

"Dean...I love you too." Cas gave him a weak smile and Dean felt a prick of worry develop deep inside him somewhere. "Hey, change that cassette." Cas instructed as the current cassette ended.

Dean obliged with a smile. "Bye Cas." He gave Castiel one last soft smile before he left.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dean."

"Sammy...what are you doing here? I mean I'm not trying to be rude or-"

"Dean," Sam placed a hand on his brothers shoulder and took a deep breath. "Dr. Wright called me-"

"Cas! Is he okay?"

"Dean..." Sam looked like he had bad news to deliver and Dean's heart sank.

"Oh God." Dean sank into the nearest chair.

"It's just...they had to put him in another induced coma or whatever. I'm not a doctor, so I'm not sure what it's called. He said something about Cas being alert and awake causing problems with the healing process. They said it got bad after you left the hospital last night-Dean, you listening?"

Dean numbly nodded his head.

"I'm sorry Dean, the doctor said he'd talk to you as soon as he was in-"

"I want to see him."

Sam ran a hand through his hair, obviously stressed and let out a long sigh. "Dean, he won't be awake."

"I know that." Dean scoffed. Though somewhere deep inside he was hoping Sammy, the doctors, everyone was wrong.

"Damn it Cas." Dean whispered as he stood in the doorway. "Damn it, why can't they just fix you?" He moved closer and wrung his hands. "I thought hospitals were supposed to help people damn it! So why-" He stopped talking as Sam appeared in the doorway.

The younger placed what he hoped was a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder but Dean shrugged it off and sat by Cas's bed.

Sam took the hint and retreated from the room.

Dean just wanted to sit there. He didn't want pity and he didn't want comfort. Damn it, he just wanted to sit there and hope everything would be okay. He wanted Cas back. _If there is a God and your sitting up there watching us or some shit, you better have a heart, you better let Cas live!_


	14. Chapter 14

It turned out God didn't have a heart. Or maybe he didn't care or more likely, didn't exist.

Each day that passed was another weight bearing down on Dean, crushing him in excruciating slow motion. Each day was another day of lost hope. Each day was more pain, more fear and more memories. All he wanted to do was go back. Back to when Cas was okay.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dean...I'd like to speak to you if that is okay." Dean looked up with sad, desperate eyes and Dr. Wright stepped into the room. "Dean, I'm sorry to tell you this but these last few weeks there has been no progress and more importantly, no signs that there will be any progress."

Dean looked at him mutely.

"So, that leaves us with two options." The doctor looked at Dean with concern and took a seat. "This won't be easy to hear and I wish we had more options. We could leave Cas in his induced coma state,although we have no signs pointing to that being a successful option. Or...we could wake him up for a little while so you could....say goodbye."

The words echoed in the tiny room and it seemed that they were squeezing the room closer around Dean. "Goodbye?" He asked, his voice quivering.

"Dean, I'm sorry, but you must agree, leaving him like this....well, it wouldn't be much of a life for him. It just wouldn't be right."

Dean took a great gasp of air, not seeming to be able to get enough oxygen.

"Ultimately the decision is yours Dean. No one can tell you what choice to make, we can only advise you."

"But..." Dean's eyes were filling with tears. "It's not fair! It's not fair damn it! He was so young. He had his whole god damn life ahead of him! He was so happy and full of life and he....I love him, this isn't fair!" Dean tried to cover up his sob with a cough. His voice turned eerily quiet. "If we leave him like this, there's a chance he'll get better, right?"

Dr. Wright took a deep breath. "Do you really want the truth?"

"Yes." Dean croaked out.

"Dean, it's the slimmest of chances, basically nothing. Even if he did miraculously pull through, I doubt he would be the same. There would most likely be permanent damage to the brain. He wouldn't be able to live a normal life, he-"

Dean sniffled and then clenched his jaw. "Why? Why the hell him? It isn't fair!"

"I agree," Dr. Wright's face turned somber. "It isn't fair Dean. It isn't fair to place this burden on you. It's not fair that a young person's life was cut short so soon. Working in this profession you begin to learn that nothing in life is fair."

Dean looked down at the floor, feeling numb. "Can...can I have some time to think about this?"

"Yes, of course. I will respect whatever decision you make Dean."

The doctor left and Dean sat there, still feeling numb. Eventually he raised his head and looked at Cas.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Hey." Dean came up to Cas after first class._

_"Hi." Cas said, still walking to his next class._

_"I gotta go to work after school today and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out now? I kind of have this cool place-"_

_Cas looked over at him in shock. "We have class Dean."_

_Dean shook his head with a small smile. "Never mind, I forgot you were a goody two shoes."_

_Cas hesitated for only a split second before reaching out to snag Dean's wrist. "Let's go."_

_Dean grinned at him and ushered him out the front doors. "You rebel you." He teased as Cas looked around frantically, paranoid of being caught._

_They made it across the yard and Cas slid into the passenger seat with a huge grin. "Oh God, I can't believe I actually just did that."_

_Dean grinned back at him. "It's cool, isn't it?" He pulled out of the parking lot with a squeal of tires and Cas felt like such a bad ass._

_"Yes!" Cas shouted over the music, sticking his hand out the window and feeling the wind rushing by. He'd never felt so carefree. "Ah, why didn't I ever do this before?"_

_"Because your a goody two shoes." Dean smirked._

_"Shut up." Cas shot back, but he said it with a smile._

_They turned off the main road onto a dirt one and Cas looked around cautiously. "Your not taking me out here to kill me, are you?" He asked._

_"Yep, I'm a well known serial killer." Dean said with a straight face. "Actually there's these waterfalls out here and its a nice spot I like to hang out at...I know it's probably weird...."_

_"Nah, hanging out in the woods all by yourself? That's not weird at all." Cas chuckled._

_They bumped their way down the road, which had basically become a path by now and rolled to a stop. "....wow......" Cas said in astonishment._

_"Pretty isn't it?" Dean asked. He exited the car with a smile but left the music on so they could hear it._

_Cas followed him in awe, standing by the edge of the water and admiring the scenery._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Hey, come on." Dean encouraged, shedding his t shirt and stretching his hand out towards Cas. "We'll jump together."_

_Cas smiled and lifted his shirt up and over his head and stretched his hand out towards Dean's but stopped midway at Dean's gasp. Cas took a deep breath himself once he realized what he'd done. He felt tears come to his eyes and quickly wiggled back into his t shirt, feeling the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes._

_"Cas," Dean breathed, a hitch in his voice. "Cas," He strode over and took Castiel in his arms, which caused Cas's tears to finally fall. He pressed himself closer to Dean. He leaned his head against Dean's chest and felt Dean's grip on him tighten. "Cas." Dean whispered, his voice breaking. "Oh Cas." He gripped the back of Cas's head with one hand and rocked him gently. "Cas." He murmured, his voice filled with pain and horror._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"I love you." Dean whispered, a clear loving in his eyes. "This wasn't exactly the way I wanted to tell you...."_

_"How can you?" Cas let out a strangled laugh. "When you know how ugly I am. How can you possibly have any interest in being with me let alone...love?"_

_Dean pulled Cas up with him as he stood up and wrapped his hands around Cas's waist, resting his nose against Cas's. "None of this changed anything, you are still fucking beautiful to me." And then they were dancing around, twirling and twirling to Zeppelin and Cas couldn't help but let out a carefree laugh as the tears dried on his face and Dean held him so tenderly. "I still love you." Dean murmured once they had finally come to a stop. His thumb gently caressed Cas's jawbone. "I'll always love you and nothing or nobody is ever going to stop me."_

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean clenched his jaw and reached to take Cas's hand. It was a simple decision really. Cas had always been so concerned about other people. He had always put everyone else before himself and now it was Dean's turn to return the favor. Cas's safety and peace was more important than Dean's own selfishness.

Dean felt tears fill his eyes and leaned down to kiss Cas's papery cheek. "I love you Cas. Hell, I don't even know if I'm going to be okay...but I have to make sure you are. So don't be angry with me please. Baby, I'm doing this because I love you and I hope you can understand that." Dean stood up and swiped at his tears.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_They were out of view of the school when Cas took Dean's hand and skipped through the parking lot, a huge, stupid grin on his face. He twirled around in the soft mist of rain and laughed aloud as Dean caught up to him and shoved him inside the car._

_"It's raining out silly," Dean half scolded, half laughed. "Your going to catch a cold."_

_Cas smiled over at him with a twinkle in his eye. "So?"_

_Dean rolled his eyes and placed his hand on Cas's leg with a gentle smile. "So, where to?"_

_"Anywhere." Cas replied, sighing happily. "As long as I'm with you and away from there I really don't care."_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Cas heard footfalls behind him and then Dean was leaning close to him, resting his hand against the car to pin the younger there._

_"_ _Damn you." Dean muttered in a low voice._

_Cas turned around and was shocked to find himself face to face with a pair of brilliant green eyes. "Excuse me?" He asked in confusion, his breath catching in his throat._

_"Damn you Cas." Dean repeated. "I-I'm straight, I swear to God I am and then you show up out of nowhere and...I'm completely lost. You show up and I start to question what love is and I want to know you. You and your whole mystery card thing, damn it. I want to get closer, I want to be that person. I want to be the person closest to you. I want to be that one you can trust, I want to be there for you, I want to be with you."_

_Cas stood motionless in confusion, trying to determine what Dean was saying. Trying to make sense of all this in his muddled brain of his. Was he suggesting? He felt his heart leap at the possibility and without thinking placed his hand on Dean's cheek._

_A muscle in Dean's jaw jumped and he reached down and pressed his lips to Cas's._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Cas gently took Dean's hand in his own, his eyes sparkling with a happiness that made Dean's heart soar._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh how Dean wished he could see that sparkling happiness in Cas's eyes just one more time.

He squeezed Cas's hand with a small smile. "Damn it Cas, if only you could see the mess you are turning me into...but I don't mind. You were-are- pretty important to me Cas. I don't regret getting involved with you at all." Dean smiled sadley at this. "I won't ever, but....I sure as hell wish it didn't have to end like this." Dean trailed off and and felt a lump form in his throat. "We were supposed to have so much more time." He turned away and pressed his forehead against the cool wall. "Damn it, I'm sorry Cas. I promised you that I'd protect you, that I'd find a way out of this for you so you didn't get hurt and....I failed...I'm so sorry."

Dean turned away and walked out the door, knowing that if he stayed any longer he would loose his composure. That wall keeping back his emotions was getting fragile and weak.

He walked the hallways silently, mulling over his decision. There was nothing telling him it was the wrong one, he knew deep in his gut that he was doing the right thing. Yet there were so many warning signs. They told him to turn back, to do anything but this, nothing but pain lay ahead.

Dean concentrated on his steps. One foot in front of the other. It gave him something to concentrate on instead of the feeling of loss taking over every inch of him. He had to get out of there. He restrained himself from sprinting right out the doors and settled for a brisk walk.

He climbed in his car, but even that didn't feel right. It felt empty, because he knew Cas should have been sitting right there next to him. Dean pulled away, feeling even more numb.

He ended up by the turnoff for the falls, but he drove right by. He couldn't, he just couldn't. Nowhere would ever feel the same again because everywhere would remind him of Cas. The falls wasn't Dean's spot anymore, it was their's, and he wouldn't go alone.

He took a deep breath when he realized that he'd ended up at the diner. He headed inside and it hit him like a brick wall, and he had been completely unsuspecting. With the smell of french fries and burgers came the memories and snippets of conversations they'd had there.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The waitress arrived with their food and Cas took a tentative bit._

_"Good, huh?" Dean asked with a smile._

_Cas took another huge bite and shook his head enthusiastically. "These are amazing."_

_"Told you." Dean said with a triumphant smile._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_They took the same booth at the back and Ellen appeared instantly. "Are you ever going to introduce me or what?" She asked, hands on hips._

_Dean looked down at the table and smiled. "Cas, this is Ellen. Ellen, this is Cas."_

_Ellen gave Cas a wide smile and Cas felt himself warming up to her. She seemed like one of those people you couldn't help but like._

_A younger blonde came running over. "Is that Cas? I want to finally meet him!"_

_Dean tried not to laugh as Jo hugged him. "Okay, Jo, is this Cas. Cas, this is Jo, Ellen's daughter and probably the closest thing I have to a sister."_

_"Awww." Jo beamed at Dean and then smiled at Cas. "Well isn't he just the cutest thing?"_

_She hurried over to the kitchen and appeared a few minutes later with their food and pulled up a chair. "Soooo," She trilled. "How'd you two meet? And isn't this just adorable?" She touched the sleeve of Dean's leather jacket that Cas was wearing and smiled. Cas blushed instantly but Jo continued on. "You guys are just the cutest couple. Everyone said Dean would never be in a serious relationship, but here it is!"_

_"You make sure Dean treats you right, you hear? No being a cheapskate." Ellen winked over at Cas with a smile._

_"So how did you two meet?" Jo asked again. You still never answered, but I bet it was super romantic."_

_"School." Dean said bluntly, stabbing a mouthful of fries and hoping they would get the hint._

_"Awwww." Ellen cooed. Cas was feeling very glad that they were the only ones in the diner this late at night. "High school sweethearts, that's cute. So you guys have your song yet?" Cas blushed immediately and looked over at Dean. He remembered the feeling of Dean's hands on him from earlier, traveling riverside blues playing softly in the background. He knew his face was beet red and also remembered the first time Cas had been in Dean's car and the song had been playing._

_"Traveling riverside blues." Cas smiled and the look in Dean's eyes made him smile even more._

_"Awww, someone to share his classic rock obsession with."_

_Cas and Dean finished and Jo cleared away the dishes._

_"Hey Dean," Jo called. "Don't let him get away, okay? And bring him around more often would ya?_ "

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"So Ellen,, can Dean cook?" Cas asked, hiding his smirk from Dean._

_"_ _Cheater." Dean whispered under his breath._

_"Why do you think he's always in here sweetie?" Ellen laughed. "That boy couldn't even boil water if his life depended on it."_

_Cas grinned victoriously as Dean glared at him. "Your a dirty, deceiving cheater."_

_Cas grinned over at him innocently. "Just checking out my competition."_

_"Yeah, but I don't have any information on you, that's not fair." Dean complained with a pout._

_Cas shrugged his shoulders as he sat on a stool. "Now, that's not my problem, is it?" His eyes sparkled and Dean detected a mischievousness in his eyes._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dean?"

Dean snapped out of his daze at Ellen's voice and looked up.

"Are you alright? Where's Cas?" Dean just shook his head silently and Ellen immediately hurried over. "Oh sweetie." She cooed. She ushered him into the privacy of the kitchen and hugged him tightly. "It's alright sweetie."

"No it's not." Dean croaked. "Ellen, I can't loose him, damn it!" He clung onto the older woman's sweater and held in his tears.

"I'm sorry sweetie-"

"Damn it Ellen, he didn't break up with me, he's in the God damn hospital!"

"Dean...." Ellen's voice softened and she looked at him with concern. "Let's go." She said, grabbing her jacket. "Get Jo to cover for me would ya Ash? I'm heading out." She helped Dean outside and grabbed a burger. "Hospital food sucks, the poor thing must be starving."

Dean didn't have the heart to tell her.

They drove in silence and when they entered Cas's room Ellen involuntarily sniffled. "Dear God." She murmured, touching Cas's exposed arm. When he didn't react Ellen looked at Dean in concern.

"I'll explain later." Dean mumbled, feeling the numbness take over again. Ellen placed the burger by his bedside and left quietly. Dean gently placed his hand on Cas's cheek before he followed Ellen out into the hallway. He walked over to the nurses desk, his insides quivering. "Is Dr. Wright here?" Dean clutched the edge of the desk with shaky fingers and looked up as the doctor approached him.

"Dean?"

"Wake him up." Dean's voice quavered and he hated how weak and afraid he sounded. "Wake him up damn it."

Dr. Wright gave Dean a sad look and nodded his head. "I known it must be difficult Dean and I'm sorry." He motioned and a nurse entered Cas's room. "It may take a little while for the medication to wear out of his system. He won't be awake for long Dean, a day at the most, most likely less. I've seen this kind of situation before. He's holding on, fighting desperately for you. Love does some pretty miraculous things, even postpone death. If he didn't love you he would have been gone by now. I just want you to be prepared Dean, he may be gone quickly...."

Okay." Dean could barely spit it out, turning away and taking a seat next to Ellen.

"How is he?"

"He...damn it Ellen! He's....gonna die!"

Ellen's face fell and she placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder. "Oh Dean..."

"His dad was a jackass, always beating Cas and stuff. I found out and....I couldn't just sit on my ass and do nothing! I got Cas out of there, decided to chance it and called the cops but...he broke into out apartment and Cas was there all alone because I went to work! I shouldn't have gone to work! I could have-"

"Dean, don't." Ellen whispered. "Don't try to blame this on yourself."

"But it is. They say he won't get any better, he's pretty banged up Ellen. So they put him in this induced coma or whatever to see if it would help him heal but....it didn't. There's nothing they can do....it's all over." Dean's shoulders sagged dejectedly and he let out a strangled sob.

Ellen leaned over and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry sweetie, none of this is fair. But you didn't cause any of this, if anything, you helped Cas more than you've hurt him."

Dean shrugged his shoulders, trying not to show how hopeless and lost he felt.

"Can...can I see him?" Ellen asked with a tremor in her voice.

Dean tried to smile. "Go ahead, they said he'll be waking up soon."

"Waking up, that's good isn't it?"

"To say goodbye." Dean said flatly.

"Oh-"

Dean waved her away and she walked into Cas's room.

When she emerged Dean's knee was bobbing nervously. "Do you want me to stay sweetie?" Ellen asked, her eyes wet. "I will but I'll also understand if you want to be alone."

"You need a ride home?" A polite way of telling her he in fact did want to be alone.

"No sweetie, I'll be fine." Ellen leaned down and hugged Dean feircly. "You take care of yourself Dean, you hear me? When your ready, call me. I'll always be there for you."

Dean hugged her back tightly. "Thanks Ellen." He smiled tightly as the clicking of her high heels faded down the hallway.

He stood up unsteadily and pushed open Cas's door.He couldn't help but smile when he saw Cas's beautiful blue eyes looking up at him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Yeah, actually," Dean shifted slightly to wrap his free arm around Cas. "I was going to talk to you about that. Sammy's birthday is in a few days and I wanted to know if you'd want to come. I mean it won't be much, but we always do this little family thing..."_

_Cas gave him a nervous smile. "Are you trying to get me to meet your parents?"_

_"Maybe," Dean murmured shyly. "But mostly I just want you to be there with me."_

_"Well I guess I have to say yes then, don't I?" Cas gave him another nervous smile._

_"Sammy always gets to bring his girlfriend Jess, so I'm bringing you." Dean said with a soft smile. "I'm always the awkward one out, the lone one and it pretty much sucks."_

_Cas shook his head. "You sure know how to play my heartstrings, don't you? Let's have a pity party for Dean."_

_"So I convinced you?"_

_Cas let out a snort._

_"So is that a yes?" Dean pressed._

_Cas shook his head with a smile. "It's a yes._ "

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Dean," Cas murmured when he spotted the figure in the doorway. Cas seemed in a daze and it made Dean's insides boil with anger. "Dean," Cas repeated, his voice becoming a warning. "Go, you shouldn't be here!-"_

_Crack._

_The older man shoved Cas, causing him to fall back and smash his head against the wall. Cas slumped over, unconscious. "Shut up you worthless piece of crap."_

_"Cas!" Dean cried, instinctively running over to the still body. "Oh God, Cas." He knelt beside his boyfriend and felt for a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief at the steady beating underneath his fingertips._

_Dean dug around in his pocket shakily for his cell phone, finally finding it and dialing 911._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cas." Dean breathed, feeling incredibly love struck all over again.

"Thanks for the burger Dean."

For some unknown reason this brought tears to Dean's eyes. He took a deep breath and looked at Cas through blurry eyes. "Your welcome." He leaned over and pressed his lips against Cas's, letting them linger there. He just wanted this moment to last forever, because then he wouldn't have to say goodbye. "Castiel my angel." He whispered, touching Cas's cheek tenderly.

Cas smiled softly, trying to cover up his fear and sadness. "You know, I secretly liked it when you called me that."

"I know," Dean murmured softly. "I knew you did." Dean pulled up a chair and sat down, squeezing Cas's hand with all his desperation, fear and pain.

"Dean-"

"Cas," Dean bowed his head and closed his eyes. "I love you." He murmured, looking into Cas's blue eyes and wondering if he could get lost in them, drown in the sea of blue. They were like the sky or the ocean, but more still. There were no words to describe them.

Cas smiled back weakly. "I'm not going to make it, am I?"

Dean met his gaze but turned away before Cas could detect the wetness in his eyes. "I love you Cas, but you have to let it go. It'll be okay, you just have to let go of it all."

"Dean....I....."

Breathing suddenly seemed labored and Dean felt his heart jolt. He was suddenly afraid of being alone. Afraid of what like would turn out without Cas by his side, without Cas to lean on. Without Cas, period.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"I love you." Cas murmured, his voice slightly slurred and wobbly._

_"Oh God, are you drunk?" Dean asked, trying to hold in his laughter. "Jesus Cas, it was only one beer."_

_"I love you." Cas murmured again. "I love you so much Dean. I'd follow you anywhere, I'd do anything for you. We should leave here, run away to anywhere."_

_"You are so smashed." Dean laughed, pulling Cas against him._

_"We should run away together and elope. Screw school, screw life, I just want you."_

_Dean was startled for a second but placed a gentle kiss on Cas's temple. Inside, he was dying for that. To just forget everything and spend every day with Cas. However, it was just a simple fantasy. One Dean knew would never happen. "I'd love that." He whispered quietly._

_"Then let's go." Cas said, his voice full of enthusiasm and hope._

_"Cas, we can't. You have school-"_

_"I don't care about that Dean."_

_"_ _You say that now but later it'll be different-"_

_"No it won't."_

_"Yeah it will Cas, I know you. Sooner or later that goody two shoes instinct is going to kick in."_

_"But I love you." Cas whispered, his voice threatening tears._

_"Hey, I know you do. I love you too Cas." Dean murmered. "It'll be allright." Dean smiled tenderly and traced Cas's cheekbone with his thumb. "God, only you could get drunk on one beer." Dean held in his chuckle._

_"I'm not drunk." Cas protested, but with little conviction._

_"Yeah, sure." Dean laughed. "Come on, I think it's time for you to sleep this one off."_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Did you make these?" Dean asked, inspecting a 1959 Ford._

_Cas laughed. "Nuh uh, not me. Dad did actually, well, before...." Cas searched through the compartment and found a 1967 Impala. "God, I forgot I had this one." He ran his hand over the hood before placing it in Dean's hand. "Here, I want you to have it."_

_"I can't Cas. It's your, from your dad-"_

_"Exactly, it's mine. So I can give it to whoever I want, and I want to give it to you."_

_Dean admired it with a small smile. "Thanks Cas," He leaned over and kissed him softly. "I love it."_

_"I knew you would." Cas kissed the tip of Dean's nose and stood up. "Now let's get out of here."_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you still have it?" Cas asked quietly, his eyes shining. Cas must have been thinking the same things Dean had been.

"Of course I do." Dean replied instantly.

Cas smiled shyly and looked over at him.

There was nothing that needed to be said.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Still so shy and embarrassed. Damn is it ever cute." Dean murmured. Cas blushed and Dean couldn't help but laugh. "God, I love you."_

_Cas blushed even more and smiled down at the ground. "I love you too Dean."_

_"Good," Dean smirked. "Then you can't stay angry with me, right?" He scooped Cas up in his arms and ran towards the water._

_"No Dean! Don't you dare!" Cas shouted, flailing his arms and legs wildly. "Dean!" He squealed as he fell into the water with a splash._

_Cas popped to the surface and glared at Dean who was laughing on the shore._

_"Dean!" Cas roared and sprinted across the ground. "Damn it Dean, I already went swimming!"_

_By this time Dean was bent over with laughter. He causally avoided Cas's tackle, causing Cas to flop to the ground._

_"Damn it Dean." Cas cursed as he rubbed his jaw._

_Dean laughed and helped Cas up and then kissed him. "Come on, don't be angry with me."_

_"Damn it, sometimes I wish i could hate you." Cas laughed, hugging Dean tightly, pressing his wet clothes against Dean._

_"Son of a bitch." Dean muttered as his clothes became damp._

_Cas grinned and spun around enthusiastically, sending droplets of water flying everywhere._

_"Got it all out of your system?" Dean asked gruffly as he wiped his forehead._

_"Nope." Cas grinned, pulling him close and twirling away before they tumbled to the ground._

_Dean sighed as he grabbed Cas's hand while they lay in the grass. He looked over at Cas and shook his head with a heart felt smile. "How can people not love you?"_

_"Because they don't know me, I'm very mysterious." Cas waggled his eyebrows, causing Dean to laugh._

_"Well I like it." Dean murmured, kissing him on the temple._

_"Glad you do." Cas blushed slightly and lay his head on Dean's chest._

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean's heart saddened and he took a deep breath. He couldn't let his own emotions or selfish feelings stop him.

So he took another deep breath and rebuilt his emotional wall, higher and thicker this time. "It's alright Cas." Dean breathed when he saw the pain flash across the younger's face. "It's alright Castiel. Go ahead, leave this place. I'll still love you." He leaned down and kissed him gently, trying to hide how his voice had cracked.

Cas looked up with a mournful expression. "Dean, no-"

Dean smiled sadly and stroked Cas's cheek. "You deserve better than this Cas. You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy." Cas protested weakly. "Dean, you are everything that makes me happy-"

Dean looked at him with an expression of melancholy. "You deserve to be safe Cas and...you never will be with your dad or brother around. I know that now. I won't be able to protect you like I thought, like I promised..." Dean let out a small sob and hung his head.

"Dean-"

"I just want you to be okay Cas. I can't just sit here and watch you suffer. I just want you to know that....hell, I'll miss you so much, but let it go. Just let everything go, you don't deserve this crap Cas." Tears trickled down Dean's face and Cas reached up to brush them away but he couldn't. He just didn't have the strength.

"Is there a heaven?" Cas asked in a low voice.

"I...I don't know." Dean admitted in a scared voice. "If there is, you'll be there." He tried to smile and his voice cracked. "I know it's hard, I know your struggling, holding on, for me. I can see it in your eyes, but..." Dean took a deep breath. "You don't have to Cas. You should be...up there, in a much better place-"

"Dean, I don't want...I can't leave you! I love you."

"..When you love someone...sometimes it means letting them go."

"Dean, no!"

"Cas, please. I can't stand to see you suffering like this." Dean's voice was choked with emotion. He stood up, it was all too much. He just couldn't.

"Dean! Wait!" Cas tugged on Dean's hand desperately, causing Dean to turn around and notice the tears on Cas's face. "Just promise me...that if there is a heaven, you'll find me."

Dean looked at the floor with an ache in his chest. "Cas....I don't think I'll be there."

Cas looked up at Dean tenderly. "Yes you will Dean. I know your not a bad person, even if you think you are. Dean, your....your amazing and I want you to believe that. Please, if anything, believe that." Dean's eyes misted over and his heart clenched.

Of course Cas would spend his last moments thinking of someone else. It was just who he was.

Dean discreetly rubbed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"Thank you Dean," Cas murmured weakly. "Thank you-"

"Cas, no." Dean's voice was hard yet pleading. "We're not going to go there because I swear to God I will start crying right here in front of you."

"Dean Winchester cry? Pft, I don't think so." Cas gave him a soft smile.

"Damn it Cas, don't test me."

Cas looked up at Dean with tired eyes. "Dean-"

"Shh," Dean murmured, putting on a brave facade. He gently placed a hand on Cas's cheek. "It'll be alright."

"Dean, promise me." Cas's voice was wobbly. "Promise me you'll find me. I don't wanna be alone-" A sob caught in his throat. "Please." There was a desperate plea to his voice and it made Dean feel pain he could never have imagined.

"I promise you Castiel." Dean murmured hoarsely. "I'll find you, we'll be together again."

"But not too soon." Cas's voice cracked.

"Yeah." Dean stood up and looked out the window, trying to focus on anything other than this.

"Stay with me, don't leave."

The faintest voice reached Dean. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain his composure. He walked back over to Cas's bedside with a brave smile and took Cas's clammy hand in his own.

Cas had been right, Dean Winchester didn't cry, but this. Well it seemed to be breaking all the rules.

Cas breathed a small sigh of content at Dean's presence and let his eyes drift close. "It hurts."

"I know Cas, but it's going to be okay." Dean pressed his lips against Cas's forehead. He let them linger there as his emotions swelled up inside him.

"Do you promise?" Cas's voice was barely audible and anything left of Dean's emotional wall came crumbling down.

This was the end. Everything had been holding on and now the holding on was over. It was time for letting go.

"I promise." Dean felt the lump in his throat threaten to spread and unleash everything.

"I love you."

At this Dean couldn't hold it in any longer. He felt a few lone tears trickle out but was somehow to keep in the shoulder shaking sobs. "I love you too Cas...I'm so damn glad I found you." Dean shakily caressed Cas's cheek with his thumb.

He watched through blurry eyes as Cas's breathing slowed. He squeezed Cas's hand as he became still. Dean swallowed a heart wrenching sob. "Your with angels now, where you belong." Dean whispered, his voice filled with grief as he squeezed Cas's hand one last time.

He didn't let go until they took the body away. Even then he could have sworn he could still feel Cas's palm pressed against his and Cas's brave, soft smile was etched into his brain.

A part of him wanted to forget, but all of him wanted to remember, no matter how painful it was.

Finally, he left the hospital and found himself sitting in his car. The passenger seat was eerily empty. It was then Dean finally broke down. The shoulder shaking sobs emerged as rain began to pour down from the sky, only encouraging his grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so you guys probably all hate me after that ending, sorry XD There is an epilogue and I'm hoping to have it posted in the next few days. I just wanted to say thanks to anyone who commented, left kudos or even just read this story, you guys are amazing <3


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this didn't go exactly the way I wanted it to. I had major writers block and then got busy with work. But I promised an epilogue so here it is, hope you like it.

The days afterwards were hard, almost impossible it seemed. Anything could remind him of Castiel, from something as simple as seeing a trench coat, or even being in his car.

Nights were the worst. Dean would, if he was lucky, fall into a fitful sleep, with dreams filled with nothing but Cas. When he woke, there were times he could pretend Cas was only in another room, that he could see him any second. Reality kicked in eventually, it always did, and he knew that he would never see his lover again.

The worst thing was that when Dean finally broke down and mourned his loss, the one person who he wanted to comfort him wasn't there.

It felt like he hadn't known Cas for long at all, yet  somehow they had known each other for lifetimes. He had changed in ways that couldn't be ignored, he had been changed by someone he just couldn't quite forget. No amount of alcohol could make Dean forget. Cas's face would appear in the strangest places, out of nowhere really. Cas's voice and sweet laughter could be heard inside Dean's head on a loop. Maybe he would never be okay.

Time went by, like it always does. The seasons changed and people moved on. Castiel and Dean were just a failed love story, they happen. Maybe people would speak of their story, but most likely they wouldn't. Dean knew in the great scheme of things, of all the amazing, beautiful and important people in the world, Castiel had been nothing. But to him, Castiel had been everything.

Life was not infinite, that was something important Dean had taken away from this. Anything could happen at any second to rip your loved ones away. The only sure thing about life was death.

\------------------------

He died November 28, 34 and a half years after Cas. A massive heart attack was the culprit.

He knew it was happening the moment he started having chest pains, he had read the warning signs on the internet. He wasn't sure if he cared if he lived or died anymore. He had been rushed to the hospital by Benny, the co owner of his garage at the last minute.

Dean could hear Benny yelling at him as they drove recklessly to the hospital. "Dean, damn it Dean, you've got to stay with me, okay?"

_Dean, come with me_. Castiel's sweet voice beckoning him.

Dean closed his eyes with a large sigh as they pulled into the ER and slammed to a stop. He couldn't go yet. "Benny." He croaked as they loaded him onto a gurney.

"Hey Dean, just hang on."

He owed Benny so much. After Cas had died, Dean was a mess. He moved to Canada, as far away as Lawrence Kansas as he could afford. He was broke, and needed a job desperately. He was drunk half the time and the other half of the time he was lost inside himself.

The first time Dean had stepped inside Benny's garage, it had been almost closing time. "We're closed and booked up solid, if it's an emergency I suggest taking your dam car somewhere else!"

"Ah...actually, I was wondering if you needed any help. I'm looking for a job. I just moved here and I'm broke. I've fixed cars before-"

"Good." Benny appeared and wiped his hands on a rag. "Your hired, now get to work."

"What?" Dean stood there stupidly, his mouth hanging open.

"I just had my other mechanic quit yesterday and I'm really behind so yeah, your hired."

"But....I...."

"You want the job or not?"

"Yes, but you don't even know me."

"Guess I'll have to trust you, now here, it's gonna be a long night." Benny threw Dean a rag and a change of clothes.

They had become fast friends, as close as brothers. Benny was the only one other than Ellen, Jo, and his family that knew about Cas. Benny was that one friend he had, that he could always count on, when things got tough, he called Benny. Benny didn't coddle him, or tell him to man up either. Which was exactly what Dean needed, something in between.

When Dean called in the middle of the night in tears, Benny was there. Benny would tell him something along the lines of everybody died, but you gotta move on man. Then he would ask for a story, a story about them that was sure to put a sad smile on Dean's face.

Benny had been there when Dean was close to the edge. When Dean called up and said that he couldn't do it anymore, Benny was the one who talked him away from the edge. "How dare you even thinking about ending your life, Cas wouldn't  have wanted that. Especially because his was ripped away from him so unfairly, Dean don't you dare, your better than this, your stronger than this." And maybe he was, because he had made it 34 when he thought he wouldn't be able to make it a day.

He owed Benny so much. He had so many things he needed to say before he left. But he didn't know how to say them.

_Dean, I miss you. I love you, I want to see you again. Please, I need you._

"Dean, open your eyes damn it!" Benny shouted as the nurses ran Dean through the hallways to the nearest free room. "Don't you dare die on me!"

"I think it's my time buddy." Dean whispered, peeling open one eye to look at his friend.

"Shit." Benny murmured. "Fuck."

"Thank you." That's all he could think to say, because it wrapped up everything into two little words.

_Dean, come home to me._

"I'm coming Cas." Dean murmured as his eyes closed. One final breath and it was over.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cas?" A familiar voice asked.

Castiel turned around and flew into a pair of waiting arms with a tear filled smile. "Dean." He murmured, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend, never wanting to let go.

"I told you that I'd find you." Dean whispered against Cas's cheek. "I promised."


End file.
